SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

When Kobe Bryant cheated on his wife, he got her a $4M ring as a "I'm sorry" present. Not many of us can plop down that kind of coin. What are some of the gifts and actions that your WS gave you to say "I'm sorry?"

I'd like to really hear about the non-monetary gifts that came from the heart. It's one thing to pull out the Visa, but MC isn't cheap and I don't really want to see another bill.

The best gift I received was honesty and hard work. The second best gift I received was a pewter heart and a hand written list of some of the reasons she loves me. I carry them both with me almost everywhere I go.

My wxh built me a huge stone wall in my yard. It took him an entire summer.

Unfortunately, during the project, I found that he was still seeing her. I had to wait until the wall was finished before I totally ended things with him.

I still love that wall.

"I still love that wall".

Lmao! Too funny

I'm sorry, but this:

I had to wait until the wall was finished before I totally ended things with him.

Is great! I just picture you dumping him as the last stone is placed and it makes me smile

My H made a candy bouquet for me. He went to the craft store, bought ribbons, sticks, glue, and one of those green styrofoam plant holders. When I came home on valentines day, the table had a beautiful bouquet of my favorite candies

Nothing. At one point, in my hurt, I expressed that he'd rarely given me anything---holidays, birthdays, etc. often went without gifts due both to financial constraint and, later, to his lack of ...care. Seriously, my oldest was fifteen before I broke down in tears and said, "You have consistently failed to get me anything for Mother's Day for fifteen years, and this year I would like a present!" (My kids were SO eager--they had made me presents when they were little, but their father NEVER made the effort to ensure I had something after that. He considered, "Where do you want to have brunch?" sufficient--never mind that we did brunch every Sunday. After d-day, he raged that I had been SO greedy that Mother's Day, stating my desire, because "We always got flowers for the garden for Mother's Day!" Um, no. We got flowers for the garden because it was spring, and time to put flowers in the garden. And I did all the work. But you get the point--it's not that gifts were not his "language." He was very focused on his own desires. He just didn't give a shit about me. Or our kids. One of the first "reasons" out of his mouth, when asked why he had an affair, "You always spend too much on the kids at Christmas!" But enough venting--sorry. This is a sore point for me.)

He spent tens of thousands on OWs. On sex with strippers, strangers. On staying in a hotel with his "last" OW. I mean, amounts that left my family doing without for a long, long time.

I said that it would be nice if he'd get me something, anything that even approached what he'd spent on others. That he'd shown others he valued them, but never shown me.

He chose to interpret this (with help from the bitch OW who was still in his ear for the next year) as me being incredibly greedy and materialistic.

And he acted accordingly.

What would have worked? Anything--really. ANYTHING that showed he was thinking of me.

He sent flowers once after d-day, while he was pretending to be NC (and likely at OW's suggestion). They were quite pretty, and I appreciated them. But flowers are not my thing.

(If he'd planted flowers, which would have cost him a fraction of what he spent? THAT I would have loved. Or a tree. Or a bush. Something that said, "I am planting this and will be here to watch it grow with you.)

[This message edited by solus sto at 1:03 PM, August 24th (Saturday)]

No big gifts, but here is what he did:

He immediately started looking for a job in a previous career. It took nearly a year but he found one. Unfortunately, we have to move, but I am ready to get out of A town and house. Neither of us wanted him to stay in the job he had during A because it would mean the possibility of seeing OW.

He gave up coveted seats on 4 non profit and charity boards to lessen the chance meetings even more. That is how they met.

He immediately sold a car we had less than 4 months. It had been purchased during the A and OW had been in it numerous times. He also had to sell an older SUV for the same reason.

At the time I told him not to buy me anything because nothing he could buy could take away his liability in the A. These acts of change meant more to me. Depending on the price we get for the house, it remains to be seen if it is a gift or a shaft.

JM started sneaking into my office on his way home from work (at 4 am) and leaving me flowers to surprise me. All the night shift nurses used to hang around to see me when I walked in my office. I love flowers and he knows it.

The most beautiful thing he did wasn't a tangible gift but an act of service that still makes me cry when I think about it.

I shared about it here before but to really understand you have to know the whole back story. I grew up in church and have always been deeply spiritual, strong in my faith. JM did not grow up in church at all, but his faith has grown to match and possibly surpass mine. It was one of the deepest, strongest desires of my heart to have a husband who shared my faith, and one I'd pretty much given up on.

So I came home from work one day and JM met me at the door, told me to close my eyes. He led me into our room and into a chair. He took my shoes and socks off (my eyes still closed) and placed my feet in a basin of hot, soapy water that he had filled with rose petals. And he proceeded to wash my feet. When I opened my eyes, his were full of tears as he tenderly scrubbed my aching feet. And the beauty and tenderness and the symbolism of the act turned me into a puddle. Because Jesus washed the disciples' feet to show them His servant heart, and to show them how they were to live. And my husband was showing me that he was getting it. That he not only shared my faith in his head and heart but that he was living it.

When I found out about the ho, I told my husband of 45 years that he made me feel old, ugly and boring. That is when he offered me the money for facelift, eyes and a new boobs. This cost him a whole bunch of money. Would never have done this ...except to accept his gift. He always teases that I am his daughter. It meant a lot to me that he tried to show his regret in the only way he knew. He is a model H now. I look great....but I would trade my old neck to have this never to have happened. We just celebrated 50 years. He is super remorseful. Wish this was a bad dream!