First of all, I get long winded, so please forgive me!
This has been ongoing for over a year, but this is my first time here, so sharing now.
Last summer, my WS blew up out of nowhere. Huge fight, took my ring and his and threw them out the window of a moving vehicle, drove way too fast and then slammed on the brakes. Afterwards, I asked if there was someone else, as this was completely out of the blue. Nope, he insisted there wasn't.
Things kind of seemed better-but then he began texting a coworker from the moment he came in the door til he went to bed last August. It really bothered me for several reasons. First, he never responded back to my texts when I was at work, because he doesn't like to. Second, he would blow up at me or the children if we interrupted him while he was texting back. And third, it was a female coworker. So of course we had a huge blow up about that.
Sometime between the first and second fights, he aired his grievances with our relationship. Lack of sex being the biggest thing. I explained that after working, dealing with the kids, and the housework alone, I don't have the energy. I need help. So he would occasionally help around the house.
Anyway, he claimed to be done with her. Things went ok for a few weeks, then I had people asking if we were still together, or asking who his new friend was, describing what they had seen, etc. Each time would result in a fight. We honestly fought at least once a month from august until december, at which point he sent her a somewhat nasty text telling her to stay the heck away from him. Supposedly they don't go anywhere near each other now (separate depts).
But that isn't my main concern. He has come up with many reasons for the whys of it all. One being we aren't married. We had discussed it just a couple months before he met her. And I had said what we would need to do, called some of my family, etc...but he never brought it up again. With him, if I push something he tends to go along with it to shut me up (LOL) but i didn't want this to be one of those times. The main thing he has clung to is he needed someone to talk to. That hurts a lot-because he basically shut down when our oldest was born. I have begged, pleaded, cried, and fought him over the years to open up to me, tell me about his day, tell me his honest opinions, but he wont.
At this point, things will go good for awhile, but something happens, could be random stupid things, but it makes me start thinking. I need that emotional connection with him. We already have trust issues. He has always accused me of cheating/screwing around if I don't come home straight from work (so I do) or if I go out with coworkers (so I don't)even when he has told me to, that he trusts me, etc...it still blows up in my face. I feel like I am not allowed friends, have felt that way for years, and he doesn't seem open to being my friend anymore either. He says he wants to talk more, but he doesn't know how to approach me. I can't keep going on like this. Btw, the coworker switched shifts so she only works part of the day while he is there, but I cannot go in there anymore. I get so shaky mad when I see her because it brings everything back to the surface. I am getting better but it obviously still bothers me. He is seeing a therapist but they talk about things like why he wants me to quit my job. Doesn't seem to be anything that helps us.
I guess to summarize, he hasn't talked to OW since December. But he still doesn't talk to me either. I told him that when he acts the same now as he did when he was talking to her, I feel that either they still talk, there is someone else...or there will be someone else soon :(
