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So just had a very interesting talk with a mental health registered nurse.

(I put registered as I know there are different classifications)

Anyway in Australia at least we are supposed to undertake a more counselling role.

As today was our last class I gave him a quick run down and told him about how it seems that I fulfil the criteria of a 'Capgrass syndrome'

He laughed and said no way. However I seem to harbour extreme rage. I was very suprised about this. He went on to say that he is a BS and that I do need to find a new pyscologist to figure out this issue.

Now I believe him, he is very high up where he works but I had no idea that I had all of this extreme subconcious rage. It makes a lot of sense though when I think about it.

But I can't see a new one until November when the 10 sessions relaps as it will be a year.

So long story short... any ideas on how to deal with this subconcious rage>???

I run on a treadmill for 30 plus minutes a day. If I don't do that I break things around the house.

Here, I thought of some more things; shooting is good (I don't know if you can do this in Aust., PM me if you come to California). Going to the range and blowing 9mm holes in the crotch of some man's outline would cure us both.

Drinking too much hasn't been a good way. It lets the rage out but that leads to the problem above, breaking things. So far I have broken a large crystal, a beaded curtain, lots of glassware and my hand.

Sex has been surprisingly helpful. If I can get it under wraps enough the oxytocin takes the edge off for an hour or so.

I'm not to proud to admit that I tried marijuana in the month after DDay. All that did was make me morose.

WH and I read "Love Languages" When I see him doing chores around the house (acts of service) it makes me happy and in turn I'll tell him how much I appreciate him.

Doing different things helps/eg. stuff out of the normal range where there are no triggers. Examples for me are visiting our city's Little India, going out to karaoke or Moroccan food. Afghan food was the first meal out I could keep down after DDay.

Doing something to make you feel small and connected to the universe. Swim in the ocean with dolphins, go on a star walk ( I went to visit radio telescopes, you have some good ones in Canberra). Something about that makes me feel that our lives on earth are short and we need make the best of things and not dwell on the negatives.

I hope some of this helps. I'm right there with you.

Sometimes it helps to just acknowledge it, and to feel it. That doesn't mean acting on it, but just feeling it and accepting it. And really, truly acknowledging it. Figuring out what makes you angry, and the extent of what you can do about it. Some of the things you have to heal from over time and not much else you can do, especially if they're from FOO or some other thing in the past that has stayed with you. But for present things - figure out what angers you and figure how you can get out of that situation so you can heal more fully. But it starts with listening to what's inside your anger.

That's what's been helping me. It might help you too.

I know exactly how your feel, I don't have a solution.

I used to walk for an hour each afternoon, I used to make the kids come with me and ride their scooters. I felt that it helped and was helping me lose weight, but life has got so crazy busy this year I really can't do that in day light anymore. My work hours have also increased.

I have a special needs child so going to the gym is out of the question as well as I can't get there as I have my kids pretty much 24/7 (the ex only has them spasmodically).

I am hoping to work out a solution to this as I would like to regain my health which in turn would help my self esteem. which would help me filter the negative stuff.

Let me know if you find a solution!

(( Lauren))

[This message edited by Bluebird26 at 5:03 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]