SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi,

I'm meeting my lawyer on Tuesday and I'm here on SI looking for advice.

Lawyer and I will be drafting the divorce document/paperwork to present to WH's lawyer.

I've emailed myself some notes about financials and custody but has anyone added specifics that I might not think of?

I'm in NY so it's a no-fault state and I believe I get alimony for 1/2 the life of our marriage. I am going to ask for extended health insurance.

WH travels 80% of the year so I should get primary custody but not legal custody (and I won't ask for that).

I do want to move out of state and most likely that will happen before the divorce is final.

I will have to re-enter the workforce at 45yo after 8+ years absent. I'll be at a total disadvantage.

Thank you for any advice and words of wisdom from your own D negotiations.

Best, TP

he should pay half of kid expenses - e.g camp, uncovered medical, school supplies, school fees, activity fees, etc. Get that in writing.

If you do ask for health insurance, make sure it's explicitly clear for how long and under what circumstances you can remain covered. For example, what happens if you or he remarry? Make sure that is spelled out too (this one bit me in the ass ).

Those are a few that come to my mind.

Try to put in EVERYTHING as far as kids expenses, so it's covered. College/university. Car/insurance for the kids when they start driving. School expenses, sport expenses, clothing...anything you can think of that the kids might want to do as they grow, get it in there.

Especially since your kids are so young, ask your L about him taking a life insurance policy out with you as the beneficiary, that cannot be changed, that he must keep current until the kids are grown. It must be enough to cover any CS you would have gotten if he dies expectantly.

Have is specified that he provides medical and dental insurance for the kids.

Health insurance for you may be tricky if he gets medical insurance thru his work. Most companies will not provide coverage for an ex spouse, but you might be able to get COBRA for 12-18 months after the D is final. Talk to your L about options there.

Be as detailed as possible about visitation. Specify exact times and place (i.e., his home, your home, neutral place 1/2 between) of pick up and drop off. Cover all of the major holidays that are important to you -- Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, religious holidays that are important to you, school holidays, mothers day/fathers day, birthdays. Again, be as specific as possible. Remember that you and he can always do something different, but if there are ever an issue that you need something specific to fall back on.

Talk to your L about who is the tie breaker if you and your X cannot decide on a major life decision for your child. Things like medical and school, etc, are covered under joint legal custody but if you think one thing is best and he thinks something else is best then you need to know how to resolve the situation.

HTH