SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have met a wonderful woman who treats me like I had always visioned it should be. We have been dating 5 months now and XWS has been very vocal about my relationship. My DD was performing in a play and my girlfriend and her daughter came to see it with me. Our daughters are about the same age and get along great. XWS calls me and is crying acusing me of having no compassion because I brought my girlfriend and her daughter to the play. XWS feels I should still be concerned with her and alter my life as to not hurt her feelings. She wasn't concerned with my feelings when she betrayed me. Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing and how did you handle it? My girlfriend was cheated on multiple times over 13 years of marriage and triggers when my XWS contacts me if it doesn't have to do with DD. my girlfriend knows I don't have control over it and realizes its due to her past relationship and is something she needs to work on. It saddens me to see her trigger from this and it causes more anger for me towards my XWS. I don't want this to cause a problem between my girlfriend and me if XWS doesn't stop causing problems. I tried being nice. I sent a very angry and firm email but she just doesn't get it.

It sounds like you need to firm up your boundaries so your XWW’s tantrums will be less intrusive in your life. Switch to text/email only, and don’t respond to anything that doesn’t concern your daughter. Consistency is key. Any reaction from you that is not completely devoid of emotion will only encourage her to continue In the meantime, if she does persist in calling, there is a great voicemail to text service that you could use to screen your calls. It’s about as accurate as voice recognition software can be, but accurate enough that you can say, “oh this is all bs” and delete without having to actually listen to her hysterics.

Also, I hope I am not out of line in saying this since I’m not a parent myself, but if you trust your ex’s abilities as a mother, maybe learn to turn the phone to silent from time to time. Unless you have reason to believe your daughter is in danger, there are very few “emergencies” that can’t be handled by a capable adult.

Thank you Crescita. You're absolutely right. I need to firm up my boundaries and not respond to anything unless its about my daughter. I wrote that in the email I sent today. Don't know how that will go over. lol. I do feel my daughter is safe and do leave my phone on vibrate most of the time. I just get too cranked up when she tries to manipulate a situation and when she plays the victim. I need to not react. If I ignore her, she calls me names and says I have no compassion. It's a no win either way, but at least I control the situation if I ignore her.

It's a no win either way, but at least I control the situation if I ignore her.