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As others have said, zero time. He has a choice: you (and all the work to repair the M and himself. It's a package deal), her or neither. There is no fourth choice, which is what you're allowing him to do giving him time to decide. Separation is good sometimes. Thing is, don't let the separation be a way for him to keep you waiting. Take the time to heal yourself. If he's sincerely wanting to be married, then he'll take the time to work on himself and that is impossible with the OW in the picture. If he then wants to become a healthy part of the M, then you can, at that time, decide whether or not you are willing to choose him. It's a chance and a consequence of his actions. You may want to give it a try, you may not. Either way, you'll have a better idea of what he's willing or not willing to do to make things right not just in words, but actions, and you'll be in a better, stronger place as well.

You don't have to decide anything right now. It's okay to take YOUR time, but your time should not be dictated by him or his impending "choices".

[This message edited by unfound at 5:17 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)]

Hewants....DO NOT wait ! I am fairly new to my situation but I know from reading here that he is cake eating. He wants sex and fun with her and you to be the chief cook bottle washer and general slave at home. Trust me been there done that 25 yrs and he decided to have an EA. it was not until I grew some balls of my own and got really tuff that things started to change. My WH kept saying..I just need to sort things out, I am not seeing her anymore we are just text friends...all lies. good luck on your journey. It is tough but we come out stronger in the end whichever route we choose

Wait ?

Wait for what?

Mid-life crisis !

What a lame excuse.

He says he loves you, but not enough to be faithful to you.

It's your WH that should be waiting. Waiting for the divorce papers to be served.

He wants you to wait.

You don't want to.

Somebody HAS to lose here.

I pick HIM.

Get some sparkly, pointy, high heeled bitch boots and kick his backside with them. Figuratively, ...of course...

I'm sorry I have to say this once again to someone that has been hurt and disrespected.

THROW THE BUM OUT!!!

We women make a whole lot of excuses for these losers. I know I did!

Someone once told me, no need to waste heart beats. You only get so many in a lifetime. You GOT2GO!

Btw, Listen to 3xthefool. You are hearing it from a mans prospective!

Please, please don't "wait." I waited and waited for almost a year, and her affair just got deeper and deeper while I waited as my soul and self respect withered away. She saw that she could treat me like a doormat, and she was right. Stop this NOW, either by demanding he stop this instant or you will file for divorce. And then do it.

And I heard it all--mid life crisis, then FOO issues, and finally the usual' blame shifting, rewriting of the marriage, you name it.

Please don't put yourself through the torture I did. Take control now. He is emotionally abusing you.

Just to sum it all up.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

― Mark Twain

How long will it take for you to find the meanest attorney in town? That's how long you should wait.

No waiting. You are not his consolation prize. I have told this to my WH over and over now. I won't stay and compete for my own husband, it is no way to live- constantly feeling threatened. I hate that these cheating losers have us thinking that they are such a prize. I call it cowardly. My WH doesn't want to end up alone. He wants to make sure I am staying if he gives up that slut. I asked him why he didn't ask for a D before he ever had an A. If he was that unhappy. It is because he doesn't want to be alone, he is weak in that aspect. Don't give your WH time, you are the priority, the ultimate catch, the real deal. The whore is just a fantasy, and time up on that fantasy. Hugs to you- be strong for yourself.