SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Kroma, reading your post reminded me sooo much of my XWH. He could've written those feelings himself. I know this because from time to time he still shares them with me. Many on here are right, she's doing the best that she can do with what she was dealt. It's a pain that I would NEVER wish upon anyone!! She probably isn't sure of anything other than trying to survive through it the best way she can... I was asked the same questions you're asking.. But truth is, if she had the answers she would tell you, if it would help make it all better she would do it... But unfortunately it's not so easy. An A doesn't destroy the years you 2 had together.. Those are memories & will always exist, what your A distroys is your future.. It changes everything in an instant. I finally stopped R and went for seperation & eventually divorce after realizing that my biggest trigger was my XWS! The one I once adored caused me the biggest pain & the A became something I just couldn't live with. I had to start taking care of me.. Regardless of how it made him feel. Give her space, give her anything she needs, the A was out of her control but now she's the driver & if you choose to go along for the journey hold on and understand that the end result isn't guaranteed to be the one you're hopping for. I wish you both luck!

Me-BS-39

WS-39

Married 20 years (yesterday would've been 21)

2 kids-19&16

DDay-11/12/12

Divorced

It sounds like your separation needs more boundaries. #1) You should not be kept from events for your children. Not for any other reason, that is is best for you to be there. #2) She obviously doesn't want to talk, and she has that right. But an unending silence is fair for no one. What if you set a date in the future-her choice as to when-where you agree to talk? In the mean time, journal away about your thoughts and what you want to say. But you can do this knowing that there will be a time that you can speak.