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Beautifulmom ( member #37611) posted at 10:18 PM on Saturday, September 7th, 2013
Great article. Wow its a lot to think about. I agree with sister, if you concentrate too m6ch on forgiving it will just make you anxious. If it happens it happens. I would like to say i forgive ow/exbff just so she becomes irrelevant to me but i dont know when it will happen, if ever.
Thanks for making me laugh with your beer banter.
33 years old (Wh and me)
Married 10 years
2 children: 4yo and 1yo
Dday#1 10/28/12
Dday#2 12/24/12 (Merry Christmas)
Affair: 3+ years (as far as I know) w/my best friend of 14 years
2boys11 ( new member #40551) posted at 1:21 AM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013
Good article. I don't worry about forgiveness yet, I'm only 5 weeks post D-day. But I find I am strongest when I think of my life as a whole. All the people who love me, my blessings, my wonderful kids, friends, my health etc. When I get fixated about the A and my WH, I am depressed and bitter. But like the analogy in the article, when I take an all encompassing view of my life, I have much more strength to face the A and figure out if R is possible. It's almost like I take my power back. I have a wonderful life whether my WH is in it or not!
BS - Me, 36
FWH- Him, 38
Married 10 years, 3 beautiful kids 6 and under
DDay - Sept 13, 2013
TT for 7 months
sable (original poster member #32869) posted at 12:04 PM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013
Thanks for the great responses, everyone. The image of pushing the OW in the lake gave me a laugh. But then it did give me pause because I realized that she is already in a lake. In fact, she probably has been drowning in it for a long time. It filled with things like negative self-worth and twisted thinking. That goes a way towards helping me make some sense of her desperation and her telling my H to be her "superhero." She has it in her head that a man is going to save her from this lake but the truth is, the only person who can save her is herself.
Yes, 2boys11, I can relate to the bitterness. For me, focusing on the A has fueled a lot of bitterness as well a general mistrust and cynicism towards others. And normally I'm not a suspicious, negative, and bitter person so now I feel like a very different person and I see things with a different set of eyes.
I like the idea of reminding myself to take "all emcompassing view of my life." Dwelling on all this pain and misery does reduce my life to a glass of water and my life is full of so much more than just that.
I'm the BW. M 10+ yrs, 1 child. Trying to R
DD 1: 7/18/11 Sexting/EA, caught before it went PA. Met OW#1 on AM
DD2: 5/31/13 - 6/1/13 2-Day PA with OW#2. Claimed she was a therapist and knew he was married.
mchercheur ( member #37735) posted at 6:50 PM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013
I thought I had just about forgiven WH, but I still have so much anger, I don't know what to do with it.
Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 35 years/Together 36 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
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