SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sitting on my porch soaking up some sun and feeling a little blue today.

As I'm sitting there, the family of 4 came out of their house smiling with their gear in tow, off somewhere to do something on Sunday.

I watched them with a familiar longing that gets to me every once in a while. The longing to have what they have. And also miss what I almost had. There was a time when we were a family of 4 that got into our car smiling on a Sunday to go for a family outing.

yes, it was years ago. I never had that again. Now my boys are older and I am 99% sure I never will.

Doesn't mean my life won't be fulfilling, but its something I've always wanted, had at one point for a very short time and it was gone.

On days like today (when I'm feeling a bit blue) it makes me sad.

that's all.

(((Clicky)))

Life will bring new and different joys.

I struggle with this almost constantly. I chose to move into a family oriented community so my kids would have a sense of normalcy. After all, we always lived in family friendly communities.

But, that means there are happy families everywhere. The worst one today? I'm outside repairing my fence, hurt my shoulder trying to repair something out of my physical league, and up pulls a huge SUV, out piles a cute husband, cute wife and two cute kids. All wearing football jerseys. The neighbor's door opens and they all come out (cute husband, cute wife and two little ones) and all hugging and laughing and I realized they are getting together to let the kids play and watch some football.

It felt like a knife. Something so ordinary. I must have been a part of that scene a hundred times while married. I miss it.

I know I have little to complain about, and I do like the life I have built for myself...but occasionally, I just want that familiarity back.

We did fun things today, rock hunting, soccer, playing with friends, repairing a fence, now taking a break from studying. But....still....I do long for those "family" days sometimes.

(((click))) totally get it.

(((Click4it))))

Hope tomorrow is better day!

Any family makes me wistful. I chose not to have that.

Other people's lives are never as good as we think they are.

And our lives aren't as bad as we think they are.

click and cmego -

My eyes welled up reading your posts. I totally understand.

I had that too, for a fleeting moment I had it. I know I will never have it again.

Oh yeah. I know exactly what you are talking about.

To bastardize a Led Zepplin song, What Was and What Will Never Be Again.

**sigh**

[This message edited by Dreamboat at 1:14 AM, September 9th (Monday)]

I guess I'm old enough to not miss the 'family' stuff. DS is grown and married, so it would just have been the X and me, and I don't miss him.

I like that I can do anything I want, whenever I want, but there are somethings I won't do by myself, like walking around the city at night for Friday Night Out, and I really don't like going to bars by myself, but I do enjoy listening to music and having a few beers...

Life is a series of gives and takes.

I totally understand this.

I also felt pain on Saturday when I wished my parents a happy 45th anniversary, and once again it hit me how my children will never have the chance to say that to their parents.

(((click))) I got to the point where I felt I didn't miss that anymore and had a good fulfilling life without the family scene, but over the summer we had that a little bit with my new bf and I realized I did really miss it, I had just buried it since it wasn't an option.

I understand and I'm sorry.

I saw your title and just had to read that. My XH was a truck driver, never had any time for the family, and this was before I knew about most of the cheating. I was a lot like a single mom, even before I was really a single mom.

I used to look across the street with a bit of jealousy, watching the dad BBQ steaks, while they all had fun together in their back yard, watching their family be that family (mom, dad, a girl and a boy about the ages of my kids). It was what I always wished I could have had.

And then one day, while still with my XH, we happened to go to an outing in a nearby town, and stopped for a bite to eat around 11:00 PM in a restaurant. That neighbor guy was also there, and with another woman!

It was not long after that little shocker that they split up and the family I envied no longer existed. It's dumb but thinking of this brings tears to me even now. I divorced my XH in 1992! Even so, I think my dream from the time I was small was to "have that family." I never did, of course, but my life is good, and I got some other surprises I never anticipated or expected.

It must be a theme this morning. I think a lot of us felt the same thing this weekend. I know when I am not in a relationship I always notice how it appears the whole world is coupled off...kinda like Noah's Ark.

I recently rented a trailer in a nice family park so I could give my daughter a nice experience. I was saddened every day looking at all families, young and old, going about their day. You never really know what goes on in someone else's house and what their lives are really like together but I think that it is normal to envy those families, for what was taken away from us so cruely.

Is it wrong that I go completely the other way on this? I actually enjoy my time with my 2 kids by myself and don't miss those days as a family of 4. In my case we were the family that looked great on the outside but there was ALWAYS some conflict going on internally. A trip to the store or the beach... didn't matter. Someone wasn't going to be happy. Now I get to do what I want with my kids, when I want, how I want, and I love it. No compromising or arguing just things the way I like it. I am not discounting what other are saying, I just don't miss it. I gues when I see those families I see beneath the facade into what is likely really happening before they step out the door and once they get into the SUV.

Maybe I'm jaded, maybe it hasnt' been enough time, i'm probably projecting what I felt onto other families. My post wasn't meant to lessen or detract from anyone's feelings. I honestly worry at times because I don't miss that stuff. I was the Dad that did everything but WW alwyas found something not quite right with the way I did it. Now I continue to do everything my way and I like it.

((((click))))

click and cmego -

My eyes welled up reading your posts. I totally understand.

I had that too, for a fleeting moment I had it. I know I will never have it again.

I could have written this. And I feel the loss for my children so deeply and painfully.

Thanks for the hugs and understanding. I see I'm not alone in these occasional aches. Some days its more noticeable than others, no matter how much time has passed.

[This message edited by click4it at 12:24 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

I'm with 7yrsflushed on this one.

Our outings now are so much more relaxed and fun. No arguments, no stress, we do all kinds of things.

BF has made it a point to be a part of my DS' life in all things. He comes on these trips and we all have a great time.

No our family is different but we make it work now so much better. But yes I do see your point as well. ((hugs))

I am with 7yrs on this.

When the ex-husband left, it was like a black cloud went with him. I so much more enjoy spending time alone with my son then we ever did as a family the three of us.

There's no arguments, no sulking, no looking at the husband always checking his phone to see if he had messages from the mistress, no looking at the husband pissed because he has to spend time with us.....

Sure I was very limited financially at what I could do with my son. But let me tell you, the memories I made with my son are the most precious ones you can't buy. I have those memories, not ex-husband. He has the memories of walking out on his family to be with his whore.