This is my first post here so I will give some background.So my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. I would have never in a million years imagined we would be where we are today in this cycle of turmoil. This year I had been struggling with my partner feeling that he didn’t really want me anymore, he was constantly pushing me away. I tried giving him his space, giving him more attention, talking to him about it, and talking to friends seeking advice. I was exhausted and didn’t know what else I could do. So in this feeling of depression and confusion, a guy at work stepped up and began being the person that would listen to me. We began talking, hung out outside of work twice- once at a dog park and once shopping. After the dog park it had rained and he suggested we stop at his house and dry off the dogs. I was enjoying the conversation so I said ok, I went- it ended in him kissing me, me running in his house to throw up, him apologizing saying that’s no t what he wanted from our relationship, and me leaving. Oh and I forgot to mention he was married with kids- part of the reason I felt ok in talking to him because I assumed there would be no interest in me in that way. So I believed him when he apologized and later that week we went shopping together. After shopping I felt so bad an wrong about what had happened. When we were shopping I felt so out of place and weird because I was with another man not my boyfriend. So I decided not to hang out with him anymore and I told my boyfriend about what had happened. Our world was flipped upside down and for the past 7 months our lived have been a roller coaster of ups and downs.
I immediately quite my job after telling him because I knew there was no way for us to move forward if I had any contact with the OM. We have made some progress at first we talked about it every day, then it would be a week, then a month. But it feels like everytime I feel like we are pushing past this he pulls us backward and back into the turmoil to relive all the pain again. Honestly our relationship has better and stronger and I want this more that anything in the world- he is truly the love of my life and I would do whatever it takes to spend the rest of my life with him.
So basically I am feeling stuck and need some advice on whatelse I can do. I have quit my job, I have given him full access to my phone, emails, facebook, everything, I have made a point to always ensure him of where I am, I just don’t know what else to do. When he asks me to leave our house I go to his moms so I have a witness of where I am, I feel like ive done everything I can to try and regain his trust and give him no reason to doubt me. I know I should have never done anything to loose trust in the first place and I know these things take time. But please if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it very much. Thank you (and this is my first post so if you have any questions or things aren’t clear please just let me know)
