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Hey man,

I told the other BW.

I told her 10 months after my d-day. For a long time I was content letting sleeping dogs lie. But when OM broke NC for the 2nd time, I figured that this was a sign the BW needed to know.

It was the OM that hurt his M, not me the messenger.

It was the OM that killed his M, as he subsequently lied continuously to his BW and was remorseless. They are getting D. He had a lot of chances.

Telling her is, very simply, the right thing to do.

I have been in her position, and was never told. That was before I had children with this man. Now, 13 years later, I have caught him cheating again. Who knows how many other times there have been in the interim. Now we have 4 children, and things are infinitely more difficult.

If I had had all the facts as they occurred, I might have made different choices for my life. Please give her the options to choose for herself.

I wish you peace.

[This message edited by iwillNOT at 5:13 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]

Cyt. Ive done confrontation scripts for about five men. Confronts are brutal WAR!

Have your evidence lined up and written down. You must literally crush her resistance with facts, evidence and guilt trips about your children having their world torn apart.

Your mind may go totally blank so have your evidence lined up and written down. Your throat will go instantly dry so have a water ready for each of you.

The best angle is the we might be able to reconcile if you tell me everything. No it does not matter if you really mean it.

Get a complete timeline and quantities. Most men id say 70 percent need ALL details to quiet their imagination. Decide if that is you.

Telling the BS was really, really hard for me. I also wanted to let sleeping dogs lie, I thought the affair was over. They weren't my problem, it wasn't my job to save the BS. But I did it 3 months after DDay, after I found out my H broke NC. I simply forwarded one of the emails to both BS and the AP (along with a bit of commentary). And the shit storm began. The other BS thanked me for telling him (we actually know each other).

Good luck, it's not an easy thing to do...but I feel like it may have finally put an end to the fricking affair once and for all. And I really am happy thinking about how the AP is finally struggling now too.

The STD thing. Even if you're convinced your wife has no STDs, this dude could have been sleeping around with others before your WW.

If the BW doesn't know this and has future children with him...as you may know, STDs are a huge risk for pregnancies. Clearly, she is of child-bearing age.

If for no other reason, her health and her children's health are a reason to say something.

Frankly, her M is a cruel joke right now. What are you protecting? Absolutely nothing. Hiding this information just protects a sham of a M. Keeping this hidden is doing no one, not even her child, a favor. When you tell, their M may blow up and cause a lot of hurt, but she's being hurt right now, this minute with a WH who is likely ignoring her, her new precious baby, and acting like an asshat either directly or indirectly. She may be confused, depressed, and totally blindsided by his crap behavior at home. At least when you tell her, she'll know why.

If you put yourself in her shoes, would you want to know? Would you be grateful for the other person telling you. If that answer is yes, then I would tell her. It gets the A out into the open, and since A's feed on secrecy, not having it out in the open to the interested parties, may prolong the A. I am sorry for your position, it is hard to be the bearer of bad news. Strength and luck to you.