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Newest Member: youtookawaymyfriend

Wayward Side :
Angry at husband

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EmotionalFool ( member #37362) posted at 12:29 PM on Saturday, September 14th, 2013

((US)) I hope the surgery goes well. Take care.

WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

posts: 334   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2012
id 6486915
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brooke4 ( member #13581) posted at 5:16 PM on Saturday, September 14th, 2013

To flip this around, if you say nothing, not only are you essentially alone in a situation where you absolutely should not be, you will legitimately be full of resentment, and he will have missed an opportunity to be there for the person he loves in a situation where you need him. In twenty years, he won't remember the work dinner, but he will remember having let you down.

I totally get that you want him to get it and do it on his own, and I also suspect being the slightly martyred wife who doesn't make a fuss or demands is a marital role you are used to (speaking from my own experience here ) and that it's very hard for you to say that you need him.

With a child you would think of this as a "teachable moment" and I think relationships sometimes need teachable moments too, where you both back off and examine your behaviour and shake yourself out of damaging but comfortable roles.

I put up with a lot of years of that kind of crap pre-A. My H was the absolute nicest, sweetest guy (in a profession well known for being full of assholes) anyone had ever met - except that his family was last priority in these kinds of situations. Post-A, he was determined to change that (and he did, with flying colours), but it took me a while to be able to easily accept that kind of giving.

And ((hugs)) on the GA. I had to have one a few years ago and was terrified, but they're actually very light now. I was awake and having some tea and biscuits (gotta love England ) 10 minutes after a 2 hour surgery.

Me: BS, 40, Him: WS 41
Married: 15 years
3 children
D-Day: 10/2005

posts: 1636   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2007
id 6487060
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rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 5:23 PM on Saturday, September 14th, 2013

The day after my 2nd dday my husband went to work. Had I been in better shape emotionally I would have taken that time to pack up all his crap.

He goes, and he's admitted this, that he goes to work to distract himself. He is very successful at it and its the thing he can take pride in.

Our marriage and what we both did to it- not so much....

posts: 7613   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6487066
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authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 11:47 PM on Sunday, September 15th, 2013

US,

Good luck tomorrow with the surgery.

DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.

posts: 55165   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2007
id 6488100
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