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A couple of weeks ago my WH was stranded during the day-when most people who have jobs are working? Well he decided to call OW for a ride home.

OW text me a few weeks ago with this information. I was sure she was making it up. She was trying to get me angry because we called her and told her to leave us alone and we were working on our marriage.

Then decided to show her OUR house! She sat down and played the piano. He showed her my pets, his other pets in different parts of the house.

Then down to the basement to watch a movie and do the deed to bless this house!

I can't walk down to the basement anymore. Our movie theatre area. I can't look at the piano. I told him to sell it. I can hardly be in the house. I feel so violated. The house used to be my safe place. I am so very sad I just don't know how to deal with this.

How can I stop the movies and take back what is mine? I am so afraid of what I will find out next.

I SO get your pain. My once "dream house" has been reduced to the "whore house"

Simply disgusting.

I am so sorry for your pain and his idiocy....

Keep the Piano...Sell HIM!!

Mocha, this has been going on for the better part of a decade. I read your profile, and it doesn't sound like he has ever stopped or even come clean.

You even went to an attorney.

What's stopping you from getting your own house/space/life? We're all scared of going the D route, but given the length of everything I'm wondering what's keeping you there at this point - especially since you have caught wind of a time when an OW was in your house.

These are all honest questions - I feel like maybe I'm missing something and I want to help.

(((Mochagurl)))

Yep, me, too. They were in my home while I was out of state taking care of my mother and many times when I was at work.

I kicked him out, I changed the locks. If I did not have children who need to stay here, I would get the hell out of this place.

Painting the walls has helped and I'm getting new furniture as I can because who knows what all they did in my home.

I could not have reconciled with this man, he's too sick and my children and I deserve peace.

In the D I got the house and all the equity. When youngest grads HS, I'll take the equity and move to a coastal area. I am just biding my time.

Same story here. I got the house in the divorce and unloaded it asap. Couldn't stand to stay.

In hindsight I suppose I could have insisted we move and keep trying to repair the damage, but he was such a good liar I decided I could never trust another word out of his mouth.

Who does this shit to people they love??!

(((Mochagurl)))

The reason nothing is happening at the moment is his current job situation. He will be losing his job in about a month. We have been together since high school. I have helped him through undergrad, med school, residences, and difficult times with previous jobs. I feel very invested in getting him back on his feet one more time.

I also have had a self esteem problem that keeps me from going ahead with anything. This has gotten better since I got my job about 5 years ago.

I am working with a counselor and during our first appointment I told her the reason for me coming to her was to help me follow through with the divorce.

My husband can be very controlling and it would be better if we could keep the divorce friendly.

Being wife and mother has been what I always wanted to do in life. It is hard to let go of that dream. I like having my children and family together for holidays.

[This message edited by Mochagurl at 11:25 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]

My husband can be very controlling and it would be better if we could keep the divorce friendly.

That's an oxymoron.....

eta: there is no such thing as an 'amicable' divorce with a controlling WS.....

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:33 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]

((((Mocha)))) I'm sorry what was once sacred to you has now been violated in such an awful way! I don't know if this will help you but have you heard of doing a 'cleansing' on everything she may have touched? That and maybe bleaching the keys on the piano...I can't imagine going into a married person's house and doing the nasty where their family lives!

I have cleaned the piano keys. And of course it is a grand piano. No one really plays so I told him to sell it for a quarter..

The basement, I plan on not going down there. I joined a health club this weekend and I will go there to workout and I can watch tv in my bedroom..

I am trying to pretend things are ok since we have to be in the house together while he looks for a new job but not sure i can do this.

Money is tight with 3 children in college.

We have been together so long I have never really been on my own.

And the OW keeps telling me she is really a nice person. And Christian too!

And my WH says the bible says it is ok. I don't know but the bible I read has 10 commandments and I think one is thou shalt not commit adultery..

I don't think that is the bible he is reading though. LOL

[This message edited by Mochagurl at 10:54 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]

This continues as long as you let it. Period.

I have tried to let it go. But I feel so disgusted with the thought of her in our house. Looking, touching my pets. Watching movies and the rest.

He also brought to back to our hometown in WI to meet his mother and sisters. Who does this stuff?!

I haven't had many friends in my lifetime. Some that are on committes with me. But not that I do stuff with outside of the meetings. Maybe that is why I struggle with my future.

Nothing can be done until a job is secured for him and that may take a while since he has had issues at work in the past.

I feel so very defeated and just sick to my stomach.

My ex-wife moved OM into our home for 4 days while I took our kids on a much needed vacation that she 'just couldn't find the time for'.

But she picked the time when I had PI's following her. After all, who doesn't go on a family vacation?

Who are these people?

((Mochagurl))

I feel your pain, and I can relate. fWH had pig in our house a few times (while I was at work and kids at school), and I have the extra special souvenir pictures of her sucking him off on our couch, and her posing 'pretty' for the auspicious occasion.

It took quite some time to get rid of the mind movies and to 'reclaim' MY house. I don't know when I got there, or how, but I CHOSE to own those triggers. This is MY house and MY furniture and MY pet (that I'm sure slunt probably made a big fuss over, raging psycho that she is, to show MrStepAside just what an awesome picture it would be with her inserted into our life) I woke up one day and decided that f*ck it, that filthy slore and my f*cked up husband would not-WOULD NOT- dictate to me, through their garbage relationship, how I would feel or react in my house. My sanctuary. And that was the beginning of my power over those stupid mind movies. Once I decided that, it took a relatively short time to become immune...and then to really savour the fact that I am stronger than the mind movies/thoughts.

I wish you peace, I hope you find your strength sooner than I did.

People we've trained can use us over and over. We've asked for less than we deserve and that's exactly what they give us. We accept emotionally abusive treatment so that's what they do.

Step-thank you so much. You will be my inspiration!

I can do this! I will reclaim MY house!

And my life!

And my WH says the bible says it is ok. I don't know but the bible I read has 10 commandments and I think one is thou shalt not commit adultery..

Many people will claim that since Abraham used Hagar to father a child and David committed adultery with Bathsheba (as well as many other issues like this in the Old Testament) that the Bible allows for multiple partners.

They don't read closely enough. These men may have been patriarchs and near to God's heart, but like all of us they were sinners and made bad choices. Not everything they did was perfect and to be emulated. I can't think of a single verse that gives approval for adultery but many that not only condem it, but also equate worhsipping other gods to adultery. Look at the entire book of Hosea. Yes, it represents a God who loves and pursues his wandering people. It also shows that adultery is wrong and painful. At no time does God tell Hosea that Gomer whoring herself out is the right thing to do.

There is a reason that adultery is one of the only reasons Jesus gives for D in the New Testament. It's not only wrong, but it damages to the core of the M, the heart of the BS and even who the WS is while cheating.

I know what you mean about the WS bringing the AP into your home. My WH#2 had OW living in my home during the week while I was working out of state. He would take her home on his way to pick me up at the airport and then pick her back up after he took me back. I had no idea it was happening and she got a little too possesive and outed him thinking I would leave him and it would all be hers.

Not happening. This was my land before she ever stepped her slimy ass on it and I designed the home and had it built to my specifications. She wasn't getting it. It took me awhile to get over the fact that she lived in my home, went through my clothes, cooked in my kitchen, petted my dog (who didn't like her at all), etc.. I cleaned every inch of my house and made WH buy a new bed with all new bed clothes. I burned the old ones. Hopefully none of her DNA is left in my home.

It is hard to get over that type of betrayal, but you can do it. As far as your WH goes, it sounds like you need to get rid of him and keep the house. Hopefully my WH has seen the consequences that an A can cause and won't be stupid enough to try it again, but your WH appears to not give a damn about consequences or what he is putting you through. As the others said, it stops when you make it stop. (((HUGS)))

I'm in the same house. Either the 'ghosts' don't mean all that much or I am kidding myself.

I keep it as a refuge for our kids. They need something familiar and stable in their lives.

Besides, I love the place.