SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi all.

I'm trying very hard to take everyone's good advice and have been nc for days. I know that doesn't seem like much but my instinct is to continue asking questions to him over and over to try to understand this insanity. I know the answers will just hurt. I know I will never understand how someone could decide that "I don't feel that special way about you" ever, after dating for 7 yrs prior to marriage, and putting them through multiple Ddays w the same OW, acting like they finally feel differently. How is someone so unaware of themselves and life after 7 years (while all the while saying to anyone that asked that it's best to take time to be sure of these things)? He was even in his 30s by then, not like he married me at age 18 or something. He's also said though that maybe if I had moved in w him like he asked after he said he wanted R initially things would be different, he'd feel differently. So which is it? I cannot help that, I really wasn't ready.

Ugh. This is why you're all right about nc, I know. The mental nc is so difficult at night, as evidenced by my rant above, I'm sure that's common.

Anyway, into the dream.

I'm in my childhood bedroom w my dad, talking at my childhood desk. We're looking out the window at the front of the house when suddenly a old beat up black truck backs in the driveway and starts smashing all 5 of the cars, smashes each one of my family, even my sibling that normally lives many hours away. Then he moves into drive and drives into a tree, and the front porch of the house. Then they drove off.

We're not able to do anything but scream. I don't know why, it's just cars but I felt such terror and such violation. Then I woke up, at 230 am, and have been up since.

I don't quite understand the cars except they're so needed in life to drive and stay connected to people where I live, and we're coming up on the time of yr where my childhood best friend died, and my best friend died in a car accident last yr (one died on x date, the other the following day)

My yrly review is coming up at work in two weeks as well and I'm hoping for something more and really think I'm close to getting it, based on feedback at mid yr, as I've been working extra super hard to prove I'm ready to move up, to learn and take on more challenges. I really need the money, and it feels good to have one area in my life that is still mine and is not upside down bc of his choice. I'm still just me there, I like that. Just anxious to see what happens.

Thoughts on the dream? More IC needed?

This is just one take on the cars being smashed.

I pulled this from a dream dictionary site that I go to.

To see or dream that a car is being crushed represents disappointments occurring in your waking life. You are lacking ambition and goals.

My questions are who do the cars belong to? Could the cars represent those people and maybe you're worried about them to some degree? Maybe the truck represents someone in your life that you feel has destroyed a lot of things having to do with your family.

These are just guesses on my part. I hope some of it helps.

The cars belonged to each of my family members, my dads two cars (actually one of his was hit first), my siblings, then mine, then my dads other car, then my moms, in that order.

It was just so terrifying.

Honestly, I don't see how it could be about goals or ambitions. I have very set goals in various areas, and plans of how I think I could achieve them. Maybe except in my marriage, I vascilate regarding if I still wish it could be fixed, or if I need to accept it cannot bc of his lack of feelings.

I guess I need to accept it won't be fixed.

I'd just like to sleep normally.