SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Do NOT minimize this. My STBXWH started with online flirting like this, then exchanging 'selfies', to real life encounters; all with my best friend!!! Get into MC as soon as possible. You definitely want to nip this in the bud. I just hope and pray for you and your child's sake that it hasn't already gone further.

((hugs))

That convo doesn't seem like they've been intimate, despite the one comment of "yes you do" which I took more as a wink, wink. Doesn't matter. That conversation is so violating and gross (and WTF? Who uses the word hoe? And hoe is garden tool, dumbass). But you never know if it was PA. I think anyone who discovers any kind of A - emotional and online included - should get an STD test. Because, as we see time and time again, the A we discover is not always the first A.

Just to clarify, I had our son on 8/16. D-day was 07/23. I have my PP appointment next week and will request a STD test just in case.

Another interesting tidbit regarding our son and the OW. As I said, he did not cut off contact or remove her from his friend's list until I pressured him. After I confronted him he tried to just avoid her the next day. When she would e-mail or message him he kept it short. She ended up asking if they weren't talking that day and called him BABE (which he told me hated yeah right!!!) and he responded "nothing is wrong, just been busy." Finally three days later he sent her an e-mail that I found out about the conversation and wasn't happy. She apologized to him and said she meant nothing by the "smack talking" (he called it that too). He also told her no more convos that didn't have to do with work. She also told him to tell me she was old enough to be his mother. (Sure that matters considering he kept saying you are not old, it's just a number AND he prefers older women it seems)

Well in the following days she began asking how I was feeling (so nice she suddenly cared) and a few times talked about her daughter. Then the day I went into labor she messaged him on FB "I'm the only one you didn't tell. Oh well...congrats! Send pics!" And he did!!! He sent her two pics of our newborn son just moments after he was born. SMH That was a slap in the face.

He keeps telling me (to reassure me) that I have access to his facebook and e-mail and he hasn't been talking to her to show me it was nothing. :/ But I do know they talk over the phone at times because he will tell me Toni called for this or for that. I want to bug his office so I can hear a conversation between them. If it's AT ALL overly friendly we will be done. It's not just the conversation of what he did but how he hasn't respected my feelings. Regardless if it was an A, I was very hurt and felt betrayed. I expect him to cut off ALL contact and not be the tiniest bit friendly. There is NO NEED to be if she means "nothing" like he says.

[This message edited by cl131716 at 9:08 AM, September 20th (Friday)]

RockyMtn-I totally agree with you. I actually giggled at the way she spelled some things after the fact. She spelled bored "board". The convo still makes me sick to my stomach when I read it though.

Put a keylogger on the computer he uses at home and spyware on his phone. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't open another email account or a fake facebook.

A VAR in his car will tell you if he has another phone.

I apologize for posting so much but my mind has just been constantly racing. I really don't have anyone to talk to so this is really the only place I have to vent.

I have been thinking a lot the past few days and I've really realized a few things. I thought I really wanted to R but I still drive myself crazy with looking for clues that it is still going on. I think the main reason for this is because deep down I KNOW it will happen again, it's only a matter of when. Obviously right now he is on the defense and is covering his tracks really well. I think my blinders may be finally coming off at this point as I realized this man is a serial cheater and will not stop unless he gets the help he needs. I minimized his previous "cheating" because once wasn't on me. It was on his ex-wife. I shrugged it off because it was a different relationship and under different circumstances.

But when we were in our exclusive dating days he accused me of "talking to someone else" out of the blue one day. I was very taken back but assured him over and over I wasn't. Then I discovered messages between him and a woman who he stated was like a sister to him. They said things like "yes i am still attracted to you" and "if we were ever both single I would like to give you chance". I confronted him and he stopped talking to her as far as I knew. Then about a year later (we were living together at that point) she sent him a text that said "you're an asshole" at 1am. Just out of the blue. He didn't respond and said she must have texted the wrong person. Funny thing about that night is I was going to a party with my sister which he was upset about so he had made plans with his "cousin". I ended up not going to the party so he didn't hang out with his cousin.

Now, those things combined with other messages I have found to various coworkers always with the line "you can talk to me about anything" made me realize this man has a serious need for validation. I will never fill that void and unless he gets help and works on his issues he will never change, if he even wants to.

That's where I am right now. Really not sure if I want to R at this point.