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scream (original poster member #36506) posted at 4:10 PM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013
Have started posting here as I believe teach and I are on the journey of reconciliation. I'm happy to be posting here now. I am wondering if any WSs have had that light come on where they feel so insecure and are now showing it outwardly? I know how I acted before is apart of masking those insecurities. And now I feel like I'm wearing them like a coat. They are out for everyone to see. Especially Teach. Feeling volnerable. New and scary. To actually express. Even BSs is this something that has gotten more intense for you after DDay? I know Teach has said things like this.
SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 8:41 PM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 11:00 PM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013
Hi Scream,
Welcome to the Reconciliation Forum 
.
I felt so insecure about everything for a long time. And after d-day the feeling of everything being exposed, all my weaknesses, and then all the digging deep through all the 'stuff'...kind of ick but empowering at the same time!
So, as time passed I got more comfortable in my own skin. Learning how to live authentically, and knowing how to love myself, and that LD loves me (all of me, even the really ugly stuff), helped me learn to be okay with just being me.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 12:03 AM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
I am a BS, but both my spouse and I were both wildly insecure for quite some time. He was afraid he would come home and I would be gone, any day, any moment. I felt like someone had removed my skin with a cheese grater and left a bloody footprint with every step I took. I felt like people could SEE inside me for a really long time.
You know what? Embrace it. It is scary but you will grow through this experience.
For my part, I promised that I would never disappear on him - unless I caught him cheating again. Barring that, if I decided I had to end things between us, it would be a conversation face to face. It gave him a bit of comfort in order to keep fighting the good fight.
Hang in there and make good choices!
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
scream (original poster member #36506) posted at 12:27 AM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
Thanky you for posting. It is scary to actually realize its something I have been hiding behind for a long long time. But nice to acknowledge it. I'm sorry my insecurities made Teach feel even more of hers for so long. I guess I see her differently. Almost surprised at things she may be insecure about. But I should be more in touch with what she is saying to me. And talking about what we are both feeling. Can't be afraid of her anymore. She is my wife. I am her husband. Thanks again.
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