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A season begins for me on Thanksgiving, runs through our anniversary, then Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, right up to about Easter. So you see what I'm saying, every effing holiday except the 4th of July. Of course, the holidays I'll remember most clearly what was happening on that day last year, so I can see how holidays in particular will be the hardest. Has anyone had a not too horrible first A season antiversary? My biggest concern is Christmas. We have two little boys, a three year old and what will be a 1 year old by that time, and it just breaks my heart to think that I could be feeling devastation on what should be such a special day for our family, this year and every year after. I really want to find some way to enjoy this time but is that expecting too much?

My WS slept with OW for first time on Christmas Day, and it continued to spiral out of control until he got arrested Easter Monday. I am literally dreading the next few months. I don't want to see Christmas decorations or hear Christmas music. It all just makes me angry.

I think these holidays are ruined for a lot of people. Hopefully it will get better in time

he slept with her on Christmas Day??

Mine was in an affair during Christmas and I know at least texted her during the day... ugh! Gave me a Tiffany necklace with our initials on it that I just can't bear to wear....

At any rate, we're flying our son home, will have tons of food and other kids home and we are planning a Breaking Bad marathon session. Past poor choices won't ruin my favorite holiday.

[This message edited by rachelc at 1:59 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

I think you need to plan something special on these holidays that hold meaning now and will again in the future. Maybe buy each other a special decoration to hang on the tree that has special meaning.

Going on a weekend to yourselves the weekend before thanksgiving etc etc. you gave to let go of those bad memories. away to start that is building new happy ones.

he slept with her on Christmas Day??

Yup. He had to go to the office to do inventory. Got drunk, and had sex with her for the first time in the office.

Mine was in the affair over Christmas and got her a gift...I didn't even get a card.

I've read somewhere that we should try to make new traditions and be super good to ourselves on holidays/anniversaries...does anyone who's gone through it have any ideas?

Maybe we should celebrate Festivus like on Seinfeld? I'm half kidding but really making up a new holiday might work or even a new holiday the day before or after the dreaded one?

We don't have any traditions even. What are some traditions anyone has that they enjoyed or that were special to them?

Ugh I hate holidays. Yep.. He started right after thanksgiving all through march. Our anniversary he was late because of her. Well I cooked and waited.. he shows up and hands me some flowers.. and then that was it.. nothing I was pissed needless to say it was bad. Never gave me anything.

On Christmas Eve texting all night and then I had the week after Xmas off we were suppose to go to the cabin and he gave some lame excuse. So DD and I were hanging out at home cooking and playing videos and games while he was with his B. New Years our DD was with friends so I thought we could have a romantic night. Righ before midnight he retires to his room.. We were roomates at that time. He has major restless leg syndrome and apnea wouldnt let me sleep. Later when I looked at phone he was texted her happy new year and the texted all night until dawn. It went into a PA that week. So I hate this time of year..

FWH's A season leached from Halloween to Christmas. PA Dec 17th, DDay Dec 19th, DDay#2 Dec 20th, FWH's grandfather died Dec 21st.... and to wrap things up, it was DD3y's FIRST Christmas.

I was so scared/mad that holidays seemed to be ruined forever. I had to nuke anything Christmas related that year. No radio, no decorations, no gifts... it was miserable.

The next year was really hard. There was sadness and resentment and triggers.

The year after that, though? I had a new nephew and a daughter who had joy and wonder for all things Christmas. Something blossomed in the wreckage and I can honestly say that I look forward to holidays again. It's still a work in progress, but it's going uphill and that's a relief.

I don't have an affair season since mine had 4 AP's, and one was a LTA. His affairs span a 5 year period, the LTA was 27 months.

I can either hate all holidays, birthdays, etc. Or, I can choose to attach my happy memories with them and make new memories. I can even make our last DDay have a better meaning because it is his sobriety date.

I'm not saying some days aren't hard in a small way, but I try to no longer dwell on them. This weekend we are celebrating our anniversary, the first one in 3 years. I refused to "celebrate" after each DDay. I'm not letting the affairs take any more happiness away from me.

Try to focus on the kids as much as possible. Make the holiday about them.

The *main* affair is the one that will have the most impact on me in my season. Of course he has As scattered all over the place, but that A was from around beginning of October to beginning of March (daughter was born March 1st)...and then he broke NC a few times (one was the day after my bday) after that until June.

He didn't give me an Xmas, Valentine's day, Birthday, or Anniversary present...and I gave him one for each of them. In fact, he actually put down my presents to OW in order to make it sounds to her like he was 'just not feeling' the marriage anymore. Of course she also bought him lavish gifts on all those days and he complained to her that he couldn't really get her much because I (read: HE) was spending all the money.

I'm pretty sure I won't bother putting much thought into any of those gifts this year.

I've read somewhere that we should try to make new traditions and be super good to ourselves on holidays/anniversaries...does anyone who's gone through it have any ideas?

I'd love to hear some ideas. My WH slept with his most recent OW on his bday weekend...don't know what I'm going to do next year...I've always done something big...I don't even want to think about it...

I will say that we've been doing really great lately but I am dreading March and the months keep flying by.

Wow, what is it about the holidays? So many of us with similar timelines. My husband also had a Haloween (or a little before) through December affair.

I thought I'd reply since it's so far in my past. 8 years now.

It does fade. It really does. But I have to admit that I think of it every Halloween, every Thanksgiving and every Christmas. You can see from my signature line that it is a chronic thing for me. That is because he refused to tell me anything, saying that what happened between them was their private business. Yeah, I can't believe I'm still with him.

But even with all that crap, it's better, a lot better. I think about it less and less with the years, even on the holidays. But I have to admit, it still comes to mind and I guess it always will.

Labor Day through Christmas. Worst are: labor day, veterans day (don't ask), and christmas! LTA, so he spanned the year long holiday cycle. But Christmas d day at our home via reading a sext, so Christmas is the hardest day. And I have two boys in elementary school.

Here is what we did. People here advised us to do something entirely new. and we planned a completely different Christmas last year for the first anti. We actually went out of town for a week, to a beautiful city where our kids had never been, but we had. Everything was different. From our rented apartment with its Christmas tree to the food and customs of this city. We weren't with friends as we had been on d day. We were just 4. It was right for us. It was still tough, and being alone gave me space when I needed it. But we built new memories.

This year I am hoping we move in November, and have Christmas in our new home. No guests again I think.

Good luck. It will get better with time.

To get through the first few holiday seasons we went completely untraditional. We had burritos for Thanksgiving, and we traveled to new places within a few hours of our home to make new memories.

Getting out of Dodge in regards to everything really helps in the beginning.

Maybe that is the only good thing about a long term affair. My husbands affair was seven years long, so there is no season that isn't affair season. Holidays have not particularly bothered me. The only day that caused problems is our anniversary which I now refuse to acknowledge.

So sorry your holidays have to be ruined. I think as to get through more and more of them while you are reconcilled then the memories will be of those instead of the ones when he was with her.

It is amazing how much stuff is tainted and ruined by affairs. Who would have thought?

The *main* A is really the only one that triggers me and that A season runs from now through Thanksgiving. It includes my birthday, DS birthday, Halloween, fWS birthday, and Thanksgiving.

Last year we threw out all traditions that we had. We did completely new and different things on all of those dates as well as significant A dates. We planned very thoroughly, with back up plans if things went south. We planned them together. We focused on each other. Broevil was a trooper.

Many of those new experiences were so good that they have become new traditions and we plan to do them again this year.

We had had an Annual Halloween Party. Halloween was significant in two of the A's. The OM was in our house for the party during the A. Last year I refused to have the party. This year we are going to try it again. It is causing some anxiety but it is something I at least want to try to take back.

Communicate your fears. Work together. Plan backup plans to your backup plans. Try something new and different. Focus on each other. Ask for support from family and friends, if they know about the A tell them exactly what you are doing and why. Use all the resources you have.

[This message edited by Chicho at 4:54 AM, September 20th (Friday)]

At first I was going to do something like ride my bike as far as I could in one direction and have FWW pick me up when I couldn't possibly go any further. Probably would have gotten about 50 miles. In the end for our first antiversary we would up doing a wine tasting tour and going to the casino after. It was a good day but didn't really reclaim the day for me, it just became the day we went wine tasting and to the casino on our 1st aniversary. I agree though, it A season for me too and 3rd year out it is still pretty tough.

A season October 17th through January 3rd. It sounds corny, but tried o focus on all the positives and changed things up a little. We traveled to Florida for Thanksgiving and, thanks to Facebook, I was able to meet up with two highschool friends I hadn't seen in 20 years. It helped that FWH was supportive and sad for our family as well.

I know this is an older post but I'm glad I found it.

H was in EA since early 2010 but I really consider A season Nov-May. Our anniversary and my birthday are the only two events not really affected by any memories/triggers.

I've already started triggering because I had a conversation with him last Sep about how he had to be careful in his friendship with her. He assured me they would never be more than friends. She took our family pictures in Oct. Nov is when he realized his feelings for her and 12/26 was their first kiss after he admitted those feelings. The big one for me will be NYE, they had sex for the first time that day.

No idea how to handle this. Thank God for DS.