SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

MIL does not know. I do not need to tell her at this point. WH brother is a diagnosed sex addict in recovery. His marriage ended when he had infants. His acting out was discovered when she was pregnant. SIL gave BIL a year before finally recognizing that she still didn't feel safe. And that it was a deal breaker for her. I always empathized with her, often saying that I didn't think I would be able to give it that long (who knew? Still trying to reconcile at 20 months)

I have heard MIL's judgment of her many times, and am sure that despite my current role as adored dil- I would be to blame for WH affair should it ever come to light. And let's not explore two acting out, possible sex addicts coming from the same family, shall we?

I think this may be true in many families, but I have heard for years about the outsiders. The family gossip mill seems to revolve around things done by those who married into the family. I continue to defend former SIL and lots of cousins' exes. And I walk from these toxic conversations. I am not going to provide information about WH A and open our family to their judgment.

[This message edited by OnAnIsland at 8:29 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]

I cut all those phony animals out of my life and I should have done that a long time ago . They all knew , they all lied and pretended and now they just enable and support her lies and infidelity and believe her bullshit lies! They all couldn't shine my shoes on their best day !!! All. Sorry for the anger but as you can tell it is a sensitive subject for me .

I was fortunate enough to read an email XMIL sent X shortly after he told his parents his abridged and re-written version of his most recent A.

She was passing on congratulations. After 16 years of pretending to like me that email told me all I really needed to know.

XFIL has tried to be decent.

My MIL supported his A wholeheartedly. She allowed it to transpire at her home. I thought he was just spending some cooling off time there. After 15 years of marriage I rudely discovered she never liked me. She lives an hour away. She even bought him clothes so he wouldn't have to drive home and get clean ones. At the time, my WS expressed to her how much he liked my parents... she said "Oh well, just think of them as collateral damage". Guess who's the collateral damage now? Yup, her. I haven't spoken to her since 7/12 (the last time I called her home looking for my WS and she hung up on me) and WS has next to nothing to do with her or the rest of his family that were also not friends of our marriage.

[This message edited by LadyLove at 9:10 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)]

FIL admitted that he too had an A. WH suspects he had more than one. They won't talk about it any further - just that they "understand how painful it is but it gets easier." MIL also makes comments that seem to basically suggest we should stay together for the kids sake. I find that kind of insulting, but I suppose it can be considered supportive. MIL also bought me a gift certificate for a massage so I think she's trying! SIL on the other hand knew about the A before I did and was 100% supportive and became best of buddies with OW. She now tries to cover her tracks by saying she was supporting WH's "happiness" but she's glad for the choice he made. Yeah, whatever.

The morning after DDay (since I discovered late at night), WH text MIL and told her, "I cheated on Kourt, I'm sorry." Her response was, "What's going to happen? What about your job?" (since he is in law enforcement and could have lost his certification over infidelity). She did not text me, call me, ask if I was okay . . . she was just concerned about WH and his job. My SIL had to talk to her and tell her she needed to speak to me since it was HER SON who had caused so much pain and disruption in our lives. She said she just didn't know what to say but SIL insisted she call. I was really resentful of that for a while but I came to realize that it wasn't for a lack of caring - she just truly isn't good with situations like that.

His mom and stepmom are both gone...which I think is part of the reason he spiraled out of control. I don't think he could have ever faced up to his mom about this, she loved me like her own daughter.

He told his dad before I found out. His dad was very disappointed. I reached out to FIL after I found out and we had some good email exchanges. But part of me is hurt that he knew and didn't tell me or do more to persuade his son to end the fricking affair.

Lab, my story is the same. He told MIL after Dday 2, and she has never mentioned anything to me. Never asked how I was doing, never offered support or help, except to WS. She hasn't mentioned it to either of us since he told her, just acts like nothing has changed. She appears to me to baby him more, and also defends him more. It is very hurtful and frustrating, and makes me feel as though I am to blame.

[This message edited by RedRose at 10:21 PM, October 18th (Friday)]