SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

TG -

Others have given you much of what I would have suggested. I just wanted to lend you my support. My best to your son and him working through his struggles.

I would just add that I hate the absolutism that follows the term deal breaker. Life is rarely black and white as we all know too well. In many ways my W's A was a deal breaker for me. I stopped loving her after her A for a while. It broke. We are fixing it, my guess is you can try also...

Another thing to remember is just how hard this stuff is. People say that all the time, but for those of us who have gotten to a good spot and had set backs it is at times very hard to remember when you are in the middle of the turmoil.

take care..

[This message edited by wert at 10:53 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

I would just add that I hate the absolutism that follows the term deal breaker. Life is rarely black and white as we all know too well. In many ways my W's A was a deal breaker for me. I stopped loving her after her A for a while. It broke. We are fixing it, my guess is you can try also...

Another thing to remember is just how hard this stuff is. People say that all the time, but for those of us who have gotten to a good spot and had set backs it is at times very hard to remember when you are in the middle of the turmoil

I very much agree with this.

I realized this morning that somewhere in the midst of all of this, I forgot to let go of the outcomes. I started hanging on to everything again. Today I begin to let go.

[This message edited by tired girl at 10:36 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

Hey TG, I just wanted to give you back a gift you gave me in January. I hope you can use it.

You know it is ok to sit back and not feel all wonderful and hopeful about R at times right?

You need to be willing to give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel, provided your not sitting in depression.

There were a lot of times I sat in total limbo, and didn't even know if I loved him anymore. And I had to give myself the permission to feel that. And eventually I started to move through that to where I am now.

It is ok to be where you are. There will be another stage. Not all are comfortable. I have found not fighting them helps.

You guys are in my thoughts and prayers

TG, I have been here since March - not long. But I read your posts and I read them again. You have helped me think and feel better with a sentence or two even if it was not directed at me. So right now I just want to send some good things your way. Surely they will come.

((TG)) ((your son))

Another thing to remember is just how hard this stuff is. People say that all the time, but for those of us who have gotten to a good spot and had set backs it is at times very hard to remember when you are in the middle of the turmoil.

Oh wert, so true!

You know it is ok to sit back and not feel all wonderful and hopeful about R at times right?

You need to be willing to give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel, provided your not sitting in depression.

There were a lot of times I sat in total limbo, and didn't even know if I loved him anymore. And I had to give myself the permission to feel that. And eventually I started to move through that to where I am now.

It is ok to be where you are. There will be another stage. Not all are comfortable. I have found not fighting them helps.

great advice. hugs TG!!

TG, I am so sorry you are dealing with this pain right now. I know honesty in a relationship is a big key to making things work. I can understand how hard it would be to find out about something on your own and not having your husband tell you about them. My husband found out about my A that way. It is something that was hard to work through because of my lack of honesty.

There are times that I have used horrible coping mechanisms to try and solve a problem. Stuff learned from childhood. But they are things that I have been working through. I really hope that HL can look at the situation and realize how things are and work through it with you.

Back in March, I hid something from my husband and when I went to work he found out about it. We had a very awkward conversation at my lunch and again when I got home. But we worked through it. I had no intention in hurting him, I had no intent behind it at all.

It is good to hear he is starting IC again. I hope he can get the help that is needed to make your marriage work.

I know this is hard for you, stay strong. You can do this.

Thank you everyone for all of the support. It really helps. Doing better today. This place is amazing, the support and the amount of wisdom that can be found here has always been such a source of comfort for me when I am trying to work through something. Thank you all for reaching out and helping me back up.

HL is being really great, he gets where we are at. Keep us in your thoughts this weekend, we are going camping and it looks like our youngest may go with us. Time spent with him right now is always bittersweet.