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Gajit (original poster member #40665) posted at 6:54 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
I follow Maya Angelou on Facebook, and she posted something today I thought we could all benefit from.
"I'm not sure if resilience is ever achieved alone. Experience allows us to learn from example. But if we have someone who loves us—I don't mean who indulges us, but who loves us enough to be on our side—then it's easier to grow resilience, to grow belief in self, to grow self-esteem. And it's self-esteem that allows a person to stand up."
Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.
abbycadabby ( member #27428) posted at 8:44 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2013
Gajit,
Great post- thank you for sharing. The concept of resiliency is something we're learning about in my classes. I like the idea that there can be certain contextual/environmental protective factors that promote resiliency; if fostered, these factors can permit the survival of and recovery from traumatic experiences.
I tend to agree with her (Maya Angelou) though, based on my (limited) knowledge of the subject. The general consensus is that resiliency is an internal mechanism by which we "bounce back" from trauma. However, resiliency can be expanded upon by various outside forces, and can help promote a sense of self-efficacy in us, by which our self-esteem should begin to build.
This is a brief summary and maybe a gross over-simplification. But I don't want to bore you with an essay! 
[This message edited by abbycadabby at 2:45 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]
LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 1:13 PM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013
This is so cool bc I just posted something in R based on something I read by Brene Brown that talks about daring to feel joy and that "joy, when built up over time fuels resilience" - so that when hard things do happen, we have a nice reservoir of emotional strength to sit on.
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
GraceisGood ( member #17686) posted at 6:23 PM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013
This logic is why I balk at and struggle with the "you have to heal yourself" line of thought.
I do agree that no one else can do our work, but I do also think that healing can be deeper and we can possibly tackle some areas from a point of strength if we do have that love from the outside, not just the inside. We "can" do it ourselves, but I think we are designed to do it with someone on our side, not alone. Of course the part about not being indulged is HUGE :) Because we can also be hindered greatly in the name of "love" as well, I see it as a process where both sides grow, not either/or but both/and.
Grace
We have a tendency to think the love offered us is a reflection of our worth and value.But in actuality,it's a reflection of the person that is giving it.We love out of who WE are-not because of who the receiver is.At least in terms of real love.TSMF
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