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brknwmn (original poster member #40603) posted at 1:13 AM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013
I've actually been happy for the past two, I guess 3 weeks now. FWH (has recently earned that title) has been amazing. He's been a rock when I've needed him to be, understanding of my triggers and moody days, and couldn't possibly do anymore.
So why do I find myself sabotaging this happiness with my thoughts. He'll do something so loving and I think...did he do that with her? And just that quickly I get thrown off. I know that I was/am still hurt by what he has done in the past but I can actually see a change this time. I can see him working so very hard and I know that he won't hurt me like that again...i have every password, he doesn't jump when his phone rings/texts go off (he'll actually ask me to get them) so what the hell...why does my brain keep screwing me over with these awful thoughts???
Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13
Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.
unfound ( member #12802) posted at 2:00 AM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013
It's a self protection and/or habit thing, and completely normal considering.
With his continuous healthy, remorseful ways, those thoughts will diminish....with some effort on your part too. Keeping in the "now" can be hard to do. Remind yourself of how much progress he's made, take a moment to focus on the present.
You'll get there 
ka-mai
*************
Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."
kansas1968 ( member #32214) posted at 2:09 AM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013
Beats me. I do the same thing and really get disgusted at myself for doing it. Hopefully time will make it better!
Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.
Irishar ( member #35760) posted at 2:35 AM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013
When those questions come up in my mind I ask him. I need to know everything. |Deal with it so it sits as best as it can in my heart and mind then move on. My husband keeps working hard on our marriage and on him self with his IC's help. I just keep taking it day by day and hope that I don't fall from cloud 9 on to the concrete ever again.
torn2pieces ( new member #39029) posted at 2:59 AM on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013
I am doing the same thing. things are good but i find myself going backwards at times when i really just want to move forward. hard to get it all but we will :)
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