We are coming up on one year since dday and WBF still does not bring up his A.
He seems to have really realized what he was giving up and has been a completely different person. He treats me and my son so much differently now, he does things around the house, his friends are not his top priority anymore, he just seems more HERE. Any time I bring up his A, he is willing to talk and answer any questions I have. The problem is, he never brings it up. I get sick of being the one to have to try to figure this shit out.
About a month or two ago he said something about the A probably not being what I probably imagine. I told him "you know what I imagine, you've read it" (in my journal-he's read everything, knows what I imagine things to be like). I said go back through and read it and tell me what I'm wrong about, tell me what it was. He never has.
About three weeks ago I wrote out about 40 questions for him, he's looked at it twice (at my urging) and answered about 8 or 9 of them. I have told him several times that this shit eats at me every day and that I don't understand why he wouldn't address these things so I can stop wondering and just know what exactly I have to deal with.
I have told him that when I mention something (a trigger), I want him to tell me if he remembers the time I'm talking about, what he remembers, what actually happened, how he felt about it then, and how he feels about it now. That doesn't happen. To his credit, he does say that he's sorry for putting me through this and that he'll never do anything like that again, that I have nothing to worry about and that he'll always be here for me.
Monday I told him that I want him to tell me what happened on a particular night and his answer was "I thought you knew where I was", meaning that I know he was at APs house. While I now know that's where he ended up, there's a lot of it that I have no clue about. I told him what I assume and what I have no idea about. I expected him to later talk to me about it and tell me what happened. He didn't. Last night I asked if he had anything to talk about and at first he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about, then he just said "I guess not". This morning he says "sorry I didn't feel like talking last night".
I told him that by saying that he thought I knew where he was that night and thinking that's all I need to know just shows that he has no clue what I need from him, after a f*n year. I told him that's why I keep bugging him to come to SI and read and figure out what it is that I need from him.
I'm 6 months pregnant and I'm tired. I feel like I've been carrying the weight of R on my shoulders and I'm exhausted. He gets upset when I say things like this because of all the changes that he has made, but while I do appreciate and love the changes in him, those are all pre-A issues, while the huge issue of the A isn't going away.
I have had him read Joseph's Letter in the healing library, I thought that said it pretty well-better than I could have but he still doesn't do it.
So how do I get him to understand that I need him to be proactive and figure this shit out? I feel like he's the one who fucked everything up, now he should be the one trying to figure out how to make it better. Am I wrong?
I am in IC, so I am trying to work on my healing on my own too, I just wish he would take more initiative and find out what he can do to ease the pain and help me out.