SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi, I am sorry to be posting and I apologise in advance if I am in the wrong forum.

JFO does not seem appropriate for me as I first realised in Jan 2010.

I received a confession of sorts on my birthday in the April; because as I handed him his phone that morning a picture flashed open of MOW privates and vibrator... I went to work singing 'Happy Birthday' to myself, as you can imagine. The 'confession' was later that evening. One OW for the previous year, second MOW for some time as well.

The lies and TT continued, I asked for NC, messages were sent but not adhered to, for either woman. Eventually the MOW disappeared but the other continued.

Over the last 4 years she has:

*driven 6 hrs to stand in the driveway

*emailed my WS ex-wife (?)

*sent parcels of banal rubbish to my WS and my SD(wrapped in pink and covered with glittery kitten stickers - she's 42 yrs old?!)

*text me from a variety of different numbers (she denies)

*constantly emailed my WS

...and lied lied lied.

It got so bad that

18 months ago we changed EVERYTHING!

We have moved hours away, changed jobs, changed all email, changed phones etc etc.

Last Monday she sent ME a message via bloody facebook to wish my WS and my SD happy birthdays and sent kisses.

I have to say I HATE her. She is a bunny boiler, hence why I call her BBC (you guess the last word!)

But this is not all

Over the last 8 months more truths and yet another woman has been confessed to. She has now moved here and I see her regularly. Last Friday she attempted to insinuate herself between me and my WS.

I cannot tell you how angry and sad I am. We were doing Ok. But now I am back...checking phones, emails, bank accounts etc.

What's wrong with these women? They are in their 40's, never been married and alone. Does it not occur to them that it is because they are feral whores?

I want them out of my life!

But how?

Thank you for listening to my rant. I have deleted most expletives.

He needs to set boundaries with them. Send them a strongly worded NC letter letting them know he regrets the A and feels fortunate to be allowed to R with you. If they continue contact, he will seek legal recourse as any contact is repugnant to him.

As long as they think there's a chance of a relationship, they will try for it. After all, they were speshal enough to turn his head, right.

Document and see a lawyer. Consider harassment, stalking, trespassing, anything you can slap her with legally. You can not play nice, expose her to her partner, boss, who ever might make a difference.

I am so sorry he brought all of this into your life.

Thank you, Holly.

The problem is that he has done that and it was eventually successful 18months radio silence...BLISS!

But then the BBC completely ignores...waits and then reappears. I have not EVER responded to her shit, although I am sorely tempted. WS is shutting down because all this crap actually happened long ago in 2009 when I had already moved to our new home and he was working out the last year in his contract.

He cannot believe the audacity, stupidity and resilience of these 'people'.

The truth is it just hurts my heart. He thought he was a KISA for them and didn't realise he became a total asshat for me.

Until relatively recently he has said that they are nice people and I'd like them as they are similar to me...

Hell no they're not! I am not a whore, I do not hurt children, I do not steal, or attempt to steal, other peoples husbands. I do not cheat or lie.

I suppose I'm scared that he has contacted BBC... I almost left last week cos I just cannot cope all this again.

I'll never know the truth about anything.

I'm scared that all along this has been a deal breaker but that maybe I am only beginning to realise that now.

It seems so cold, after so long

I think the "You would be friends with her/like her any other time" is a phrase from the WS Handbook. I'm not sure what their goal is in saying it, but i'm pretty sure it will make me mad either way.

What does he do when they try and insert themselves? Is he passive and just stand there like a bump on the log or does his actions and words match up to show them that he won't give them the light of day?

He used to deny that they were doing anything wrong (!)

That was a long time ago.

Now he just looks defeated. Sad. Asks me what I want to do...I say something flippant and unhelpful like "organise a firing squad"

We agree to do nothing. Absolute crickets. Time moves on.

But I know she'll up the anti, she always does. But I have no-one to tell. She is 'travelling' and therefore not here. No job. No partner. No nothing.

So why not just stay away? What does she gain from this?

I don't get it. But the last 10 days has seen a huge scar ripped open and salt poured liberally. I can feel it and I think it's turning my heart to stone.

What's wrong with these women?

You are asking the wrong question.

Yes, BBC is a problem.

But the REAL question is what is wrong with your HUSBAND?

Why? Because despite contending with BBC long-term, he got yet ANOTHER OW, one who's surfaced in the last 8 months.

He's not committed to fidelity. Until he is, you will have women coming out of the woodwork.

What is HE doing to become the husband he should?

He's a fool.

3rd OW that surfaced in Feb this year was also from 2009. Yeah, nothing but TT. I think that there may have been even more from before that time, but I'll never know...he won't tell me anything. Only my investigations have revealed all that I know so far.

So, to sum up...he does nothing.

Nothing to fix himself and Nothing to help me.

I work hard to ensure all 3 children are happy. But I don't believe that they feel secure. BBC used SD through the whole of their pseudo relationship. She saw that she'd contacted me and freaked out.

but 2 women that don't want to let go...or want to restart.

Husband says that "We are in a very different place now, together."

that may well be true but how many DDays and lies can one person live through.

I'm exhausted and detaching cos it's too hard and lonely, holding everything together while waiting for the next axe to fall

Given that it seems that he is unwilling to be truthful to you and is seemingly content in his passive/aggressive world to just hang on while you bleed, perhaps you should cut him free to be fought over by his BBCs? I know that this sounds flippant, but under that tone, it is something for you to consider. You've given up a lot because of his choices.

I think that´s why I´m here.

I´ve lost myself.

He won´t answer any questions because he says he is ashamed and it needs to be buried in the past. I know it´s ridiculous but it feels like it happened yesterday. It´s as if I´ve been just doing everything to look after everyone else and now I can look up and breathe it has all hit me and it feels new. I don´t want to get out of bed, nightmares, crying and I´m scaring the children. They don´t see me like this.

I have written in my profile. I doubt it makes sense. It´s such a mess.

((((Truly)))) Can you get a RO against any of these women? I am very sorry for your pain.