SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Early on for me I posted almost the exact same thing. I was barely functioning, couldn't concentrate, wanted to live in my bed with the shades drawn praying for sleep because it was the only relief from living hell on earth. If I didn't have kids to tend to I probably would have stayed there. I thought I needed meds, but was afraid that the meds would just prolong the inevitable, which is to just feel all this sh/t and get through it, so I resisted. My IC also poo poo'd the idea.

I can tell you now at 4 months post d-day I am much much better. Don't get me wrong, it's still hell on earth but I have become stronger. And I can't chime in enough about exercise, that has become my "medication". Makes a WORLD of difference.

For me the scary can't eat, can't sleep, can't work, can't function, cry all the time, rage all the time, feeling on the verge of a breakdown period really started getting under control around the 3 month mark. I know we are all different.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 10:58 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

I laughed when I saw the title. WHO ISN'T?

Year ago, for work stress, I was on Paxil. It tok 4 weeks for it to "work" and it evened me out emotionally and I was a lot better with it than without it. I was on it for many years, and when I retired, I took a long time to wean off it, with my doc's approval.

I did have some valium leftover from years ago when I was flying out of state for some family/friends stuff, but they've since expired.

Before I even knew of the A, I had gone in for a minor problem and asked for something to take if/when I travelled out of state again. The doc didn't give me valium, but gave me Xanax to take as needed.

With the DDay#2 (Trickle Truth), I was reeling. I finally decided I cannot cope so twisted up and dug out the Xanax & took one. I noticed that for me, it peaked (that might not be the right word) after about 3 hours--that is, I overtly noticed that I felt *very* calm and better able to cope, 3 hours after taking it. It didn't work immediately, but started working within, I'd say, 45 minutes.

So yes, I'm taking meds to cope. I go from a shrieking harpy to devastating hurt & inability to cope, to numb, to bottomless anger & loathing, to unstoppable crying (the latest cry lasted about 8 hours), to indifference to ...well, you know all the variations and the in-betweens.

The meds help me function within normal limits. I don't feel the need to take one every day. I still feel things of course, I still experience things and go experience things, but like with Paxil, I feel more evened-out without the extremes most of the time.

"Integrity is doing the right thing even if/when no one is watching."

[This message edited by Hope2B at 7:31 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

I started Wellbutrin (antidepressant) 12 days ago and 14 days after D-day. I have not noticed really anything yet, but my Dr. told me it can take 3-4 weeks, and up to 6 weeks for maximum benefits. The good thing about Wellbutrin is it is known for little to no side effects because it does not effect Serotonin; just dopamine (pleasure neurotransmitter). I have had absolutely no side effects with it and I have side effects with every drug. About 17 years ago I tried Paxil after having my son and it was HORRIBLE! Sweaty, shaky, rapid heart rate, and panic attacks. My Dr. said if I reacted that way to Paxil, then I will probably react that way to any SSRI antidepressant. Anyway, I am praying that the Wellbutrin is going to work soon; at least get me functioning. I am in a tremendous amount of pain and find it extremely difficult to do just about anything. I have only eaten solid foods about 3 times since D-day and it was a couple of bites. Other than that, I live off of "Naked" protein drinks. I was 130 lbs. before this hell came about, and I am now 115 lbs. Food repulses me. I wish I could have my memory erased and never have found any of this out. May sound crazy, but I would have rather never have known this and gone on with my happy life and H who I love so freakin much, but hate at the same time. It's all just so confusing and horrible. I feel your pain and am sending big hugs, as we all need them more than anything right now.

Zoloft

Ambien

Xanax (prn)...not so much the Xanax anymore.

I take Ativan for panic attacks.

It helps just to know I have the option.

I had switched from Celexa to Effexor shortly before D-Day. A few days after D-Day, I got a scrip for Xanax as well. I've only taken it a few times, but its helped me through some really rough patches.

This is my first post in about a year as this topic really hits a nerve with me; after being diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression, I was prescribed all sorts of anti-depressants and anxiety meds. I refused to take them as I did not want to jeopardize my career - lets just say I would not be able to do my job if I was to take those types of drugs. Along with my body, my work suffered and I went deeper and deeper into a hole. My WW and my doc pleaded with me to take the meds with no avail. In the end, I took a couple but couldn't do it more than a week. I almost felt that I needed to feel this pain as I honestly wanted to die and have my ww see the destruction she caused. In the end I had about 6 boxes of anti-depressants and sleeping pills that were practically unused however, I survived.

As I lost more than 35 lbs in 2 weeks, I thought, “I feel like shit but damn I look good! I started exercising which helped me relax. I started fishing again – a lot of fishing. My WW was angry that I spent so much time away from her but I needed to do that. I needed to find myself again. I needed to find a way – my way out of it. No drugs. No alcohol. For me I needed to struggle. I needed a long struggle so I would always remember never to let this happen to me again. I am not saying you should not listen to your doctor. What I am saying is it can be done without it – perhaps it prolonged my journey? Perhaps – but I own my journey and I will NEVER forget it – ever.

I will say exercise will help also.

I started running and it helped so much.

Problem is we have now moved and I can't run down the dirt road anymore and I'm spiraling down very deep.

We used to be out in the middle of nowhere and I could take off with my dog at 5:00 am. It made my days so much better.

Now we live on a street in a rural area but there are loose dogs that I know will run out at me if I run by and then my dog will protect me and she is smaller than them and it would get ugly not to mention wake up neighbors. Just not wanting to cause a ruckus so me and my girl haven't run in over a month :(

Tried to get my WH to but me some sort of exercise machine but he just treated me like a child repeating over and over "now I will buy this but only if you are really going to use it. So are you?" Whatever asshole, I'll just file that away with every other cruel thing you've said to me.

Sorry I ranted.

I need to look into something before I spontaneously combust I guess.

I have been on medication for a little over a month now. It seems to be helping. Trust me life is not all sunshine and lollipops. However at least now I am able to focus on my babies, work and taking care of myself. Don't get me wrong I am still mad as hell that I am in this situation, but so thankful I spoke with my doctor .