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confused52204 (original poster member #16913) posted at 3:00 AM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
What do u do if u know they r lying again? I know for sure 100%, he won't budge! Wtf!
RidingHealingRd ( member #33867) posted at 7:14 AM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
Can you show him proof?
I would tell him to leave, pack his stuff and get out. Let him know he can return when he decides to be 100% honest, accountable, remorseful, and committed to the M.
Prove to him that you are not willing to accept any additional deceit in your M, you have had enough.
ME: 60 BS
HIM: 67 WH
Married: 35 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 10 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
confused52204 (original poster member #16913) posted at 1:17 PM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
Yes I have the proof. But really it is nothing new. It was a charge to friend finder. I knew he was on craigslist. So really it is nothing different. I just can't stop digging from the time he did everything which was feb 2010 to feb 2012. Which is most of our relationship. Digging makes it worse but I can't stop. Then to top of off his lies about it. Said he never made that charge!
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 1:29 PM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
I read you to be saying that you can't stop acting in ways that hurt you, and you can't come to grips with (make a decision WRT?) his lying. It sounds like you're tying yourself into knots.
Have you considered IC?
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
missyb32641 ( member #35656) posted at 3:16 PM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
Is this a new account? If it an old acct it may be an automatic renewal charge. It is possible he forgot. I hope this is the case.
ME: BS 43
Him FWH 45
Married 20 years together 22 at the time.
Working thru R.
confused52204 (original poster member #16913) posted at 4:17 PM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
Regardless of new or old. I asked him a while back if he ever joined this specific site...he said no never!
Reality ( member #39077) posted at 4:23 PM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
Which is a bold faced lie, per your proof.
There's really no way to make him stop lying, confused. He has to choose that. You can decide if you want to interact with someone who chooses to lie to you. Yes, the old "you can't change other people - only yourself" mantra.
But it's true. Okay, he's lying to you. You can't change that. You can only change what opportunity he has to lie to you. That's not a right he has - that's access you give.
Do you want to give that to him?
confused52204 (original poster member #16913) posted at 4:42 PM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
I just don't know what to believe any more. He sounds so convincing. Says who knows that was 2 years ago. I'm thinking hell I would remember if I signed up for a friend finder service I had to pay for!
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 4:44 PM on Monday, September 30th, 2013
"Who knows?"
HE knows.
HE is lying.
HE has been lying to you since nearly the beginning of the relationship.
Was his account on AFF set up to look for men...or women?
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
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