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skan, I am so very sorry to hear this! Sending you strength, love, and courage.

((skan)) you know what to do... I'm so sorry.

Oh, skan, I'm just so sorry to read this and know the pain you are in.

Although it's been said by others, I just want to agree that you have been a wonderful source of reason and comfort and wise words... I appreciate how you've helped others as you face your own battle.

Just so sorry yours has taken this awful turn.

I know you are strong and you will be even stronger. Know that we all care and are with you. Take good care of yourself and find your pathway to peace.

((((((skan))))) OMG I was SO HERE at this exact same point not too long ago..... Sending you strength, sweetie, take care of YOU.

Thank you all. I have no one IRL to reach out right now my mother is dealing with my father's stoke (just this saturday morning), my sister is dealing with that too, my friend who I talk with is having a horrible time in their marriage, and my SIL who I normally could lean on, is recovering from breast cancer. I told my boss she had to know since I can't stop crying for more than about 10 minutes. I think that I'm getting dehydrated got to get more water in me.

In-house is it right now. He's unemployed and until he gets a job and then we hammer out a separation agreement, i will not leave the house and we cannot afford for him to leave either. Hell, we're living on my tiny salary as CA hasn't sent us unemployment for almost 2 months now. Thank got for savings. I already have an agenda drawn up on dividing up the house, respecting each other's spaces, getting the house ready for sale, etc. I've printed off info on local SA groups which I'll give to him tonight, but that's completely up to him. Its not my job anymore. As for him continuing to whore around on the computer, as long as he does it in his room, I don't give a rat's ass. Not my problem anymore. Finances and getting the house ready for sale are the only things that we have in common right now without him doing something drastic. And I have no hope at all about that.

My main concern right now is the timing to tell our relatives, and the fact that I bought airlines tickets for the two of us to go visit his side of the family on Thanksgiving. Initial instinct was to not go, but if it's going to be goodby, I want to see them one last time as they all live on the east coast and it's likely I will lose them. Thank you God, that his mother is not alive to see this happen. She loved me like a daughter and I love her so much. This would have killed her. As it is, telling my mother and my now stroke-impared father is going to be one of the most difficult things I can imagine. They love him as a son. This will break their hearts.

I have to go cry again. I have to be strong tonight. No matter what, I have to be strong tonight.

I've printed off info on local SA groups which I'll give to him tonight

Don't. Don't even give him this. He HAS TO do this himself. Don't help him. Stand back and drop your hands. You know damn well the man knows how to work The Google. Back up off the codependency!

Let Thanksgiving work itself out closer to the time. You may not want to go at all. ((hugs))

Don't. Don't even give him this. He HAS TO do this himself. Don't help him. Stand back and drop your hands. You know damn well the man knows how to work The Google. Back up off the codependency!

I was coming to post the same thing.

~Gently~ Let go and make him be a big boy. He knows he has a problem, and if he wants to face it he needs to make that first step to getting help. Do not do it for him. Skan now takes care of Skan and her business ONLY! Mr. Skan is on his own.

I'm so sorry, Skan. It has to hurt so much.

We're all here for you. Please PM me if you need to talk or need a call. You're not alone.

(((Skan)))

(((Skan)))

I'm so, so sorry. I've been cheering for you and following your posts since I joined the site. Your common sense and strength and tenacity have helped clarify LOTS for me.

What the hell is wrong with your WH?! All the work and devotion you've given him risked for stupid and dehumanizing media?! My WH has a major internet/fantasy addiction and I understand perfectly the impossible confusion and betrayal that comes from being rejected for something that has NO substance.

I'm so, so sorry. It's time for him to fight for you like you've fought for him. If he can't/won't - FTG.

I'm so sorry SKAN, I always read your posts. You are so strong and give such good advice!

You can do this. Stay strong.

Sister Skan

I am so sorry. Dammit.

You deserve better. You are an intelligent, capable woman that has given your H more than a fair chance of being a man and treating your marriage and you with respect and dignity.

He has chosen to disregard those chances for some reason and for that I am so sorry.

Stand your ground. Stand tall. You have done nothing wrong.

You can't fix him. He has to want to fix him and right now he doesn't want to.

Deep breaths and know that your fan club is here for you when you need us.

(((hugs)))

Skan,

Read your tag line. And read it again. And then read it again.

You are a strong, beautiful woman who is worthy of sailing unencumbered. I am so sorry that your husband has chosen to throw away such a beautiful REAL woman for freaking pixels of imaginary sluts. I just cannot fathom it.

(((Skan)))

((Skan))

I am so sorry you find yourself here, now. You have offered so much support and insight. We are here for you!

((((Skan))) I'm so sorry that you're hurting.

You are such a lovely and compassionate woman and you did not deserve this.

Just finished the in-house separation talk. We were both surprisingly calm. We now each have our areas (some latitude in place until the guest room flooring is done) and common areas. Agreement on splitting chores, each of us to do a list and we'll swap each week. He'll trade me chores for driving him. We'll start looking into realtors in a couple of weeks.

Now, I'm numb.

you have to draw the line for him. you are doing the right thing. I'm so sorry you are going through this pain. At least I can say that I know how you feel. Praying for you. You will get through this.

(((Skan))) sending you all the strength & love I have .

You deserve so much more than this.

(((((skan))))) Hang in there, honey.

I had hoped that when you found his *stash* a couple months ago that he would finally *get it* that you weren't messing around.

I'm really sorry to read about this recent turn of events. Really, really sorry.

Something that may help you is for you to know that the most loving thing that you can do for your WH right now is to *step away* from him and his issues. If you *help* him at all, you are enabling the behavior and not allowing him to be responsible for himself. (My CSAT-spousal therapist worked hard to drill this notion into my head as I was struggling with NC....).

You'll get through this, Skan. You will......

Skan, I am so sorry. You have always had my deepest respect and admiration, and even more so now. Stay strong, stay the course. Sending you everything I have got...