SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Before we moved 3000 miles away from our original home for financial reasons, I had a career that I was pretty darn good at. I had experience and was well known in my area. I was in supervisory positions and enjoyed what I was doing. Moving here three years ago, set me back a few years as I ha to "prove myself" in the new area. I didn't mind because it was the right decision for our family.

I have spent three years building up that same level of experience in our new state. I worked hard I add to my resume and learn as much as I could about the new area. In June, I went out on a limb and actually got the dream job I had been hoping for in a new division . I knew it would be tough, but was confident I would adapt and excel.

Then.... D day hit. 2 weeks before my start date. So far , I have been holding on. But with this R and increasing demands at work, I am starting to unravel. I can't focus, I am unorganized, I seem to have forgotten specific details ( my job requires complying with very specific regulations). I had my first presentation today in my new position. I tried to prepare but was dealing with so much at home that I just couldn't give it my total focus. It went horribly. I got some positive feedback, but mainly "I could tell you were nervous" and "it will work I guess" and "you sure talk a lot".

Are you kidding? I use to do this sh)t in my sleep and now I dropped the ball. My paperwork is piling up on me and I am not sure I am even making the right Decisions when I guide those beneath me. NO ONE at work knows- obviously- not only are they strangers to me but this is hardly the first impression I want to make. "Hi! I'm the girl with the cheating husband- aren't you glad you hired this big bag of issues to lead your department?"

I can't take time off- CANNOT- but there is a constant buzz in my head and I am on the verge if tears almost all day. I am not making competent decisions and I can't seem to manage any of my time.

I don't know what to do. I am SO angry that this is hurting me at work. I wish I could focus on my job- but I just can't.

I cried all the way home and of course it all led back to the A. Doesn't it always?

I need to sleep. I need to focus. I need to get my sh-- together.

Now, how do I do that?

Thanks for being here.

((((WT)))

I bought a journal and when the buzzing gets too distracting I scribble my thoughts down and so far it is helping me focus. Different things work for others but it may be worth a try. I wish you the best.

So sorry, wondertwin. That just sucks. I know how hard it's been for me to do my same old part-time job (that I could practically do in my sleep before) and suddenly I can't manage to do it at all.

I can't imagine finally getting the dream job and wanting to flourish at it when this was thrust upon you.

I don't have good advice for concentration. I've heard some (that I can't seem to implement): give yourself a set time and amount of time for obsessing. If it's "not time yet" tell yourself you have to wait til xx:xx and you get your 5 minutes to obsess. I find it helpful to journal (I often keep a running doc going on my laptop, so I can add the thoughts). If I'm out walking and get on a roll, I will dictate into the Notes section on my phone. These help me. I've heard of snapping a rubberband on your wrist when your mind wanders or picturing a "STOP" sign to stop the mental movies. Hope you can find something that works for you.

I finally decided on Friday that I needed to let my boss know my situation. He lives/works many states away and I rarely interact with him. I actually don't like him at all and he's always been condescending to me. I really didn't want to do this, but the stress over looming deadlines and my inability to focus was making me crazy. I finally sent the email and got a compassionate response. I can't tell you how much relief that brought me. I told him I "trusted him to keep this confidential" and he said he absolutely would. I don't know if that might be an option for you.

(((wondertwin))) It WILL get better!