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kg201 ( member #40173) posted at 1:32 PM on Saturday, October 5th, 2013
“There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.” ~Shel Silverstein, Every Thing on It
This is a beautiful response!
I have come to realize in the short time since dday that every response from me leads to a one-up from my WW. There is no closure. She has to get the last word because it is my fault...the last one was that I need perspective because she is dying and I'm not...basically I'm not sympathetic to her cancer and she should be able to do anything she wants.
You will not get closure by poking her at your closing. As you pull away from the curb you will see the "its's his fault!" bumper sticker in your rear-view.
Me: BH, 40
Her: Ms. Daisy
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, living together
Dday: 7/28/13
Ds17, DS12, DD12
Divorced! 2/24/2015
Apology. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
CharlieFoxtrot ( member #38010) posted at 4:07 AM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
Agreed. I understand the desire and good heartedness from your end, but the yield will be nothing but painful. Even "You never deserved this" can/will be followed up with blameshifting. Ask me how I know 
The truth I had to come to was that it's all water underneath a bridge I burned, never gonna recross. And then the realization hit that I tend to err on the side of naivety...
Be your own hero, sunsets. There is no explanation worthy of further pain and giving her access to your emotions. Just mow that grass, walk the fuck away, and don't look back.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
sunsetslost (original poster member #39885) posted at 4:47 AM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
I appreciate all the advice. I have a lot to think about. I have the blessing of time but it's running out here. I admire all of your strength and will take your experience into account. FWIW I have changed my mind about one "last goodbye". Reality is settling in.
Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.
nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 11:51 AM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 3:59 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013
((((sunsets))))
FWIW I have changed my mind about one "last goodbye". Reality is settling in.
Reality has a way of doing that. You sound very strong and thoughtful, sunsets. These last few steps of the D process are full of potholes. Be gentle with yourself and allow for the roller coaster to start up again - it's a sneaky little bastard. 
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
sunsetslost (original poster member #39885) posted at 5:31 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013
It's all happening so fast most days I'm strong. I've been exceedingly nice to her and it's taking a toll on me. But she's so close to the edge I have to protect my assets. If she flakes on the mortgage then I'm screwed. If she fails in her attempt to refi the house I'm stuck. I just want to be done and out and start over. I'm taking another trip to FL to see friends in a couple of weeks. Good for the soul.
Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.
Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 12:07 AM on Tuesday, October 8th, 2013
I've thought this often, sunsets, that the answers I don't have are what linger in mind.
However, if I attempted what you're possibly strategizing here, I would get more lies or rearrangements of the truth.
It's my two cents to add that the truth they have to give us is their "truth" and colored by what happened to them, so it probably will not match our truth and...may hurt more or add more confusion.
Closure can come from other sources but we have to recognize it. The X's are not on our side, not our friends, they do not have our backs. I know you've probably heard that over and over but it helps me to remember.
The closure is in the papers you sign and in moving to that beach and noodling through the gulf again, or whichever place you choose.
The ideas on your thread about the glasses are good ones and sometimes symbolism does help.
I'll add that I admire your chance to go where your heart takes you.
Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
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