SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I didn't know this either. I appreciate all the advice and help also. Sometimes I cant always check the boards and when I do I get lost in other threads and forget about the ones I started.

I have not been kicked off this site in more than six years of posting. I can assure you that the mods and the guidelines are more than reasonable.

I wanted to say thank you for this thread (in part -not the warfare side, I will leave that alone).

I too didn't realise I needed to close out my threads. I haven't a few times because it felt self serving and like I was trying to get more attention if I bumped it to say thanks.

I have always appreciated people taking the time to respond and will be more aware in future to express that gratitude.

Thanks SI for being here and thank you one and all for helping me through my struggles with your kind and caring posts.

((Group hug))

I just want to say that even though there was a "conversation" going back and forth and a couple of direct questions were asked, I thought the thread was closed too quickly. I've seen that happen a couple of other times a well. When I see that someone has been active in a thread (especially one they started) and then doesn't post for bit, my first thought is something came up. I've participated on many message boards and moderated a couple as well. More than once I have had to remind folks that got bent out of shape because a poster didn't "answer" or "respond" to them that people DO have lives outside of the board - jobs, children, school, etc. People that live their lives day in and day out on a board often forget that.

I too didn't realise I needed to close out my threads

I think there is some confusion. No one is required to do anything but be respectful. However, when a member throws out a grenade and then abandons their own thread we Mods are than forced to make a decision. In this case, we were forced to close it since it was argumentative and taking away from true support of others.

When I see that someone has been active in a thread (especially one they started) and then doesn't post for bit, my first thought is something came up

Chicky...

I understand what you're saying, however, since we are able to see when members are here there wasn't any overreaction with closing that thread too quickly.

More than once I have had to remind folks that got bent out of shape because a poster didn't "answer" or "respond" to them that people DO have lives outside of the board

You're right, we do have lives...sometimes others forget that

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:24 PM, October 6th (Sunday)]

Well I had no idea about the non-rule either. If I received a message like that I would have been very embarrassed. At any rate, now I know. :(

Girlie...

Please read above...everyone is running with some idea of a non-existent rule. That's not the case

***Posting as a member***

For heaven's sake.

My first response was out of sincere interpretation that the OP was confused. I was wrong. She was embarrassed for being called out for deliberately ignoring responses.

Please do the research and see this for what it is. I can say words in a very pretty, veiled yet sarcastic way too. I'd rather spend my time healing and helping others do the same.

There's no such thing as a "close out" here. There is such a thing as rudeness and blameshifting. I encourage you to read through this thread and the referenced one again.

"when we receive complaints from multiple members we take action".

So this would be the second grenade thread getting people up in arms, Safeguard.

Interesting

[This message edited by lauren123 at 12:32 AM, October 7th (Monday)]

I don’t quite understand why Safeguard’s original post is being equated to throwing a grenade?

Throwing a grenade is per definition an act of aggression. Posting a thought provoking topic is hardly aggressive. Even if the majority of members didn’t like her post, it surely doesn’t make it aggressive just because her views differ from the majority?

I didn’t see her original post as being anything except a gentle nudge that I for one certainly need from time. It made me think, and her word’s did have (for me at least) a degree of merit. OK, she could have been less blunt, or more flowery in her choice of words perhaps, but it was still a million miles from hostile. It saddens me to think that all it takes is x number of members to complain about a thought provoking post or a blunt poster for the post or the poster to be suddenly deemed “grenade throwing” and hostile.

Safeguard was called out because of an incredibly insensitive comment to brand new BW. The BW had posted on JFO,and said she hated the OW..and Safeguard said something that was not only insensitive,but out of line. When called out on it, she then came over and started that thread. It was started because she was angry..or embarrassed..at having been called out for her comments in JFO.

Maybe that was the grenade? The comment in JFO?

The mods do a great job. They are more than fair. They shouldn't have to defend themselves to anyone.

[This message edited by confused615 at 9:20 AM, October 7th (Monday)]

Safeguard has a history of being argumentative and posting very hurtful things to other members. This isn't her first time throwing grenades on the site and launched at our members.

Oh My God!

Safeguard has a history of being argumentative and posting very hurtful things to other members. This isn't her first time throwing grenades on the site and launched at our members.

Unbelievable!

Safeguard,

Feel free to contact any of us if you want to review your logs

Wifehad5,

Feel free to contact any of us if you want to review your logs

Why not just put them right on this thread. You've done everything but. Please do.

Anyone can look at my posting history. I have NOTHING to hide.

I won't be doing that because I'm posting from my phone on my way to lunch, and as we've stated many times the guidelines say to take it offline. I'll be happy to talk to you when I get back

You wrote a post about how grateful you are to have a place to talk about things without people making judgmental or unkind comments, and then a few months later rip into someone in JFO and dismiss the majority of people as blaming the OP for the affair and "needing" a "Devil made them do it" mentality.

That isn't thought provoking, it's hypocritical.

This is soooo not any of my business, but I have been reading this thread in total shock.

That SI members can be so hurtful to each other when we are already hurting so very much, AND especially to the one new poster who now thinks that this is what SI is all about.

I don't think it really matters what I think, but for the record I feel that everyone has their own opinion. But I do think that we MUST consider the raw feelings of everyone on this site.

A comment was made about stages. It is so true. We go through stages. We MUST keep in mind that EVERYONE on this site is at some stage in this horrible abyss of infidelity. We have to consider that when reading their posts. We also have to consider it when responding to their posts.

Often times it is not the substance of an opinion but the tone that is hurtful.

PLEASE take a breath - and lets remember why we are here. Every moment we spend lashing out at each other, that is a moment we could have spent lifting each other up and healing.

Sorry to be a "Pollyanna", but not really sorry.

You all mean a great deal to me. I wish you peace about this.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=509206&HL=38899

You were totally kind and understanding in that thread to a BS who had just found out. Wow. And after dropping that lovely little bomb, continued in General with:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=509240&HL=38899

And now the dramatics with the "I had no idea about closing out a thread" stuff? Get real. DS and others asked you specific questions in that second thread and you deliberately ignored them. It's not about "closing out" a thread. It's about answering specific questions that people asked you, including the administrator of this site. I dunno about anyone else, but if DS asks a question, I answer.

Take responsibility for your actions. You're not a victim in this. You've put yourself in the middle of this dramatic situation and now are facing the consequences. Feels great huh? All the attention on you. Welcome to wayward thinking 101. Because lets face it, wayward isn't just about cheating.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=509206&HL=38899

You were totally kind and understanding in that thread to a BS who had just found out. Wow. And after dropping that lovely little bomb, continued in General with:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=509240&HL=38899

And now the dramatics with the "I had no idea about closing out a thread" stuff? Get real. DS and others asked you specific questions in that second thread and you deliberately ignored them. It's not about "closing out" a thread. It's about answering specific questions that people asked you, including the administrator of this site. I dunno about anyone else, but if DS asks a question, I answer.

Take responsibility for your actions. You're not a victim in this. You've put yourself in the middle of this dramatic situation and now are facing the consequences. Feels great huh? All the attention on you. Welcome to wayward thinking 101. Because lets face it, wayward isn't just about cheating.

She is getting bashed because she isn't towing the SI party line that the OW is the devil.

Is not answering a question by DS another unwritten rule?

In my opinion, the sign of good management is the ability to look at when you have made a decision and maybe it isn’t the right one. That is something that never seems to happen here at SI. The mods and the admins here are people, and as such are not infallible. They are going to make mistakes, and make bad decisions just like everyone else. What makes a great one is being able to look at a decision and knowing when it hurt someone and going back and admitting that.

This whole thing could have been shut down on pg1 if they would have just admitted that it should have been handled in a PM to begin with and not out publically, looking like they were out to shame her. This is what has gotten people upset and caused them to feel unsafe here and the mods have taken no notice of this. Instead they have continued their attack on her personally to deflect the blame off of them. Not the hallmark of great management. Also not the first time this has happened. I feel when people are totally secure in themselves they don’t feel the need to do this to others.

This post may not appreciated, so thank you to every single person who has ever helped me on this site. It has been an integral part of my healing. What bothers me is the public shaming that I see that happens to other members, I don’t feel this is ever appropriate for an infidelity website.

[This message edited by tired girl at 11:27 AM, October 7th (Monday)]