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sunsetslost (original poster member #39885) posted at 12:13 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
I got a call from STBX today. Her application to refinance the house and get my name off of it has passed the most critical hurdles. It looks like a go. The house is the last thing holding me here and keeping me from starting over After I hung up I finished what I was doing and then I lost it. It came out of nowhere. I felt every human emotion there is all at once. Sadness, hope, anticipation, fear, anger, joy, freedom, regret, loss.....you name it. I had to pull over. I cried and laughed at the same time. When I looked up, my car was surrounded by butterflies. I've thought about butterflies for most of this ordeal. From crawling on the ground to the cocoon and finally turning into something beautiful and flying again. it was cold today where I am. They shouldn't be out.
Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.
kg201 ( member #40173) posted at 12:22 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
Sunsets, don't some butterflies migrate to/from the Gulf? They're just trying to show you the way.
I was feeling something similar today...a mixture of sadness and (in my case) indifference. My lawyer will be filing for me in the next few days...I've had enough. The sadness comes from the fact that i still love the woman I thought she was, and I am sad about her health. The indifference comes from the incredulity that she believes I have controlled her for years and that I have made her do things she hasn't wanted to. I gave her a daughter when she threatened to leave me if I didn't. I stayed by her side for 9 years and she claims I didn't care. I've just had enough.
Congrats on the house. You're almost there. And then it will be nothing more than an experience to have learned from.
Me: BH, 40
Her: Ms. Daisy
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, living together
Dday: 7/28/13
Ds17, DS12, DD12
Divorced! 2/24/2015
Apology. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
dmari ( member #37215) posted at 12:30 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
I am so sorry that all those emotions hit you out of nowhere but wow ... what a sign from above that your new beginnings is waiting for you.
I actually connected with butterflies too throughout this ordeal. I felt like my stbx had thrown a grenade in our lives which injured but didn't kill us while he walked away. I then visioned the children and I healing and starting our new beginning as butterflies. I actually found a picture of a grenade and a butterfly and wanted to share it with you.
gypsybird87 ( member #39193) posted at 12:33 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
*goosebumps*
What an awesome post. Your cocoon is starting to crack open, sunsets. Of course it hurts, but what an amazing, beautiful, exciting, scary, incredible journey you're about to start on.
So happy for you, and so looking forward to when I reach that place too.
Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
laney57 ( member #35617) posted at 12:35 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
Sunset,
Those butterflies are tell you to get moving... You're almost there. I so know what you mean with the emotions all at the same time. I often think I'm losing my mind, but it passes and I just get back on track. You are human and have been through the ringer, friend.
Take good care of yourself tonight.
Update 01/21/17
Me - BS, 46
Him - WH, 48
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Separated 03/2014 (he moved out of state for job)
Tried and tried and failed long distance 09/2015
Have no idea
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 1:52 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
I love this. The symbolism is achingly beautiful. What a sparkle moment.
The bouts of crying used to be crippling but now they are cleansing. I embrace them. I let them wash over me and make me clean.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 3:06 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
Wow. Just... Wow! You were blessed with a moment of magic there.
Onward and upward. I'm guessing you are about done cocooning... 
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 4:13 PM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
Time to soar, like the butterflies, Sunsets.
Time to soar.
One summer I planted several different types of butterfly bushes in the yard and earned some pretty amazingly colored butterflies on them. Maybe in your new place if it's the right zone, a butterfly bush outside your favorite window could carry on the symbolism for a long time to come.
FWIW, the white bush got the most variety.
And all around us the world is changing...every aspect will be different in your new life and that's a good, good thing.
Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
jackie89 ( member #38271) posted at 4:41 PM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
Your post totally gave me goosebumps.
It will get easier...
And I loved what SBB said: This totally described how I've felt, but didn't know how to put it into words.
The bouts of crying used to be crippling but now they are cleansing. I embrace them. I let them wash over me and make me clean.
[This message edited by jackie89 at 10:42 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]
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