SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Great post and agree with all of it SM!

I would not be in a firm/solid R if it weren't for SI and the people who guided me during my first year of discovery. I have made some life long friends on this site, and for that, I am forever grateful!

Thank you, SMS.

Thank you for all that YOU do, SMS. We're lucky to have you.

You're a good egg Sister

Thank you, Sister .

Amen Sister!

I felt alone, too alone for my own good, then I found this community that made me realize I wasn't alone. Anyone that puts in their own time to monitor a place like this were emotions can run so high gets a fistbump from me. Can't be anything easy about it.

Nailed it.

Thanks for voicing exactly what I think, Sister.

..hitting the 'like' button..

..wishing i could post that black and white clapping guy!!

thanks SI mods, guides and especially DS/MH..

smy

Thank you. I just re-read two years of posts. Amazing place. Thank you.

Thanks Sister

And thank all of you for sharing struggles and successes with me. you all have saved my life.

Can anyone provide any insight into the original issue or is the soup kitchen analogy all we have to go on?

Having needed and availed myself of the services of a soup kitchen, it is an interesting comparison. However, the soup kitchen did not have wi-fi and I did not have a laptop. SI and soup kitchens might be slightly differentiated on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Great post, Sister, and thank you for posting such well-written words.

Special thank you to the SI staff and to those people and to all the other good folks who have helped me silently by reading my posts and sending me strength or positive thoughts (I don't know who you are, but I know this has happened!), for those who have replied to my *often very long posts*, for those so moved to contact me by PM, and for others whom I reached out to and found a kind heart, warm words, encouragement, shared stories, and the strength for me to go on.

Hope

I have a little bit of a different perspective, FWIW. I too am very thankful for the SI volunteers and think they do a wonderful job.

I am a newbie and not being critical but I do have thoughts on the work of volunteers (I am one and I supervise many). Anyway, volunteers give freely of their time which should always be appreciated by those they support. It is important to acknowledge the work of volunteers and be respectful of their time.

In addition to that ^, volunteers do not or should not be all powerful and create and us and them mentality. While their work absolutely deserves to be respected but they too have a responsibility to be respectful to "those they serve".

Constituents do have a right to be treated respectfully and someone position shouldn't automatically mean their actions can never be questioned. I don't subscribe to the view that people with less must be ever thankful to the people that serve them. The recipients of the services,the soup kitchen in this instance, do have a right to be heard and give input into how a service designed for them, is offered.

Now pls don't feel that I think any staff have been disrespectful. I am simply commenting on my opinion that some people are more valuable than others in terms of volunteers and the soup kitchen example. I rely on volunteers in my professional life and I certainly couldn't do what I do without them. But I also belief that the people they serve have every right to bring bring forward their concerns. It's also not usual for volunteers to have alterior motives, often it involves power over. Anyway- ALL these comments relate to volunteers in general and are not in any way a reflection of the SI volunteers.

Thank you for all the behind the scenes work done by the many SI volunteers. SI has definately kept me going when I thought I was going to die.

[This message edited by Girlietoo at 8:02 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

I can say that this site quite literally saved my life. There were moments that I wondered if I could bear to breathe even one more time; moments when I'd taken stock of the medicine cabinet and researched the various available items online; nights where I sat in front of the computer wrapped in a blanket, rocking back and forth with tears coursing down my face, too distraught to type and I just read post after post after post. I got through those times and to the other side primarily because of this site and the wonderful people here.

I am in awe of the work that gets done here, the healing that happens here, the compassion and support that can be found here and the humor that makes you laugh when you weren't sure you'd ever smile again.

I don't, however, consider the identification of pinch points, the question of understanding why something was handled a certain way or even the suggestion of a possible improvement or change to be inherently disrespectful. Part of what I've learned here is that we all - all of us - can look at ourselves and our actions and find room for growth and change.

I do think that the tone and the method of delivery can be highly disrespectful. Throwing your plate down and climbing on top of a table in the middle of that soup kitchen (to use your analogy) in order to scream at the top of your lungs is NOT the appropriate way of getting heard and should get you escorted out of the building.

But a quiet conversation, an expression of "this is how this made me feel. Is there any way this could have developed differently?" would be - to me - not only an acceptable thing but a necessary thing.

I agree SMS. A great analogy. I understand others may disagree, but IMO I would never disrespect a volunteer.

Pinch points- I like that :)

I guess the question of what disrespect is. Identifying pinch points is not, IMO, disrespectful. How it is done, certainly can be.

Love you, Sister. Spot on.

Thank you Admin & Volunteers, Mentors! Couldn't get through this without ALL of you!

Pinch points- I like that :)

Thanks Girlietoo. My Human Resources Manager would be proud of me.

While their work absolutely deserves to be respected but they too have a responsibility to be respectful to "those they serve"

And I believe that the admins/mods/guides here are respectful. I've only seen one instance since I've been here where one of the *volunteers* went a bit off the rails. And that was followed by a public apology. Crow was eaten.

As you said....the respect needs to be reciprocal. And I have seen many *volunteer call-outs* on the threads that were handled with grace by the *volunteers*.....until the disrespect couldn't be ignored anymore. If a poster is obviously gonna take something *to the mat*, on the open board, well....that person should expect a public smack-down, IMO. If the inmates ran the prison, there'd be chaos all around.

The rules are simple. If you've got an issue, PM a mod. Don't post a passive or overt swipe at them on the board.

Something else that occurred to me. Many of the *volunteers* are far out from the betrayal crap, but *life* still happens. By accepting the leadership *volunteer* role....that person has just kinda shrunk the support for themselves from 40,000 to, like, 8. How often do you see these *volunteers* starting their own posts about their own current personal struggles? Not.Often. Can you imagine what would happen if MH posted and said "you won't BELIEVE what DS just said! O.M.G."????

Very few executive decisions are done unilaterally. If you get a flag....it's a decision by committee. And if you look at who the admins/mods/guides are...you will see that there are multiple personalities. So if you're flagged....you know that even the most level-headed *volunteer* agreed that you were out of line. And that should be enough for you to say "huh. ok." Apologize. And then carry on.....

(sorry SMS. More of a *my take on the SI admin* post than a *what I expect* rendition....)

Hold up. I obviously didn't make

Clear that my comments were related to volunteers in the general sense. Absolutely no reflection of the mods here.