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My wife claims that she was ending it the day I found out. Fat chance of me believing that! I cried to her the night before I discovered the affair about something not being right between us.

The next day she emailed the OM and said "Hi how are you? Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you, have a good day."

That was the way she said she was going to end it. She said she didn't want him emailing her and thinking anything was out of the ordinary or he would've blown her phone up.

Wayward's say and do the darndest things I'll tell you!

It really makes me laugh that she expected me to believe that she was breaking it off with him coincidentally right before I found out. She sticks to this story to this day. Honestly it doesn't make me laugh it makes me sick to think about.

"...about to break up..."

"...was gonna break up..."

"...we just broke up..."

BULLSHIT!

That is all. Thank you.

My WS said the same thing. "I wasn't going to keep going like this. I was going to break up with her and leave you. Starting fresh." Really? Is that why I caught you red handed on DDay#2? Undressed and screwing on her couch? Because you MUST HAVE been trying to find the right words to break it off with her?!

Grrr....No. I think he was tired of the charade. I think he really did realize she wasn't the person he thought she was. But I don't think he was man enough to break it off with her or else he would have. I think he wanted to get caught so that he didn't have to do it himself. THAT'S why he kept going over there in the middle of the day even after I told him people saw his truck over there and he denied it to me. On some level, he KNEW I was going to check up on him. He has yet to admit to it, but I know him well enough to know that is exactly what he was doing.

Oh puh-lease. FWH told me that he was trying to end it for several months. I pointed out that if this was the case, it's odd that he initiated texts/emails/IM's. He kind of mumbled something.

It's amazing how they go from thinking they're so smart when they're cheating to being the village idiot when they're caught.

My H used to insist that he had been "trying" to break up with OW for 7 months on d-day. He was trying so hard .

As Yoda says, "Do or do not. There is no try."

In our case, it did turn out that H wanted to end the affair, but it certainly wasn't his first priority (that was covering his ass).

He no longer gives me that crap about trying to end it. He tells the truth--he would have liked it to end, as long as he didn't have to take any responsibility for his actions or suffer any consequences. But since OW was a hot mess who might tell their boss or me, the affair went on.

Textbook behavior

My WH said that he was glad I found out bc it ended it. It was only supposed to be a "one time thing" Once she said she loved him he was afraid she would tell me so he kept it going just so I wouldn't find out. Idk if he was really planning on telling her to get lost but the fact is that I caught him while it was still happening so I find it hard to believe.

my H said the same thing... "I was trying to end it for months"...he didn't because he didn't want to hurt anyone. Oh, that worked out alright...

My WS did technically break it off with her two weeks before DD. I never would have known a thing if he hadn't texted her asking how she was aka fishing for a little more sexting.

During that exchange she talked about how she couldn't be ok with just being friends and that this had been the worst break up of her life, by far.

I realize she is only 23 but to think 3 weeks of heavy petting in the front seat of a married man's car constitutes a relationship tells me she needs to live a little.

Incidentally, that was the only text message exchange he didn't immediately delete.

I heard this, too. It was bunk.

I think this is part of the WS self-delusion. If they tell themselves this it makes them feel better about themselves. It has no relationship to the reality of the deception.

The reality is that he was tired of the AP, wanted to put it on hold (until the spring when he would have good excuses to "work" at our cottage), then start it up again because the AP was "good for a jump". I found a typed message he had shredded alluding to contacting the AP in the spring the day after Dday. I am convinced that he would have continued to seek out women on line and probably have one-night stands. I think he learned from the relationship with the AP that keeping "it" happy was too much work. To his credit, he has never had contact with the AP since Dday-not a peep.

I still don't believe that the AP was the only extramarital A he had; this is why I'm not fully committed to R.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 8:09 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

So the other ONS do not matter to you? But the one where he was in for 3 months is the question you are asking?

Every relationship outside our marriage matters. The other people were short enough term where there was no "breakup necessary" as there was no illusion of a relationship.

Yeah. MrH was trying to figure out a way to break up with xOw2.

Apparently aborting (or claiming to abort) his baby against his wishes a week before that wasn't enough reason.

Apparently d-day wasn't enough for that matter because he took the A underground.

That right there tells me it's B.S. Because if you want to break up with someone, either of those reasons is something with teeth in it.

It's frighten lines. Part of the script.

My husband said that too. Still claims it to this day (9 years out).

But he talked to her leading up to DDay. Including the night before DDay, which was the night before our first couples counseling.

The next night, after I'd found out about her, I called her using his phone. She answered so fast, sounding so excited - breaks my heart to this day.

3 weeks later he emailed her to say happy birthday and that he had a gift for her for 4 months out (symphony tickets) and that he hoped one day they could figure out what it all meant for them.

No, it's bullshit when they say that.

My wh said he broke up with her and that's why she called me funny how they made out the day they broke up and went out to dinner and went shopping. Cough cough lying asshole.

My WH said the same thing. I still wonder if he is lying. He has maintained from DDay that he was desperate to get away from her but that she was threatening suicide and to tell me if he left. Honestly, since I know her, I think he might be telling the truth, but honestly, who knows? I wish to God that I could believe him but that is what happens in an affair I suppose, they begin the lies and from then you always have to take everything they say with a grain of salt, because who the hell knows when they will start lying again? I know from the emails that she sent after DDay that she had no idea that he didn't want to be with her, so either she's delusional, which is entirely possible knowing her, or he's lying. I really don't know, and I suppose I never will. I tried to get access to the emails post DDay but of course he had supposedly deleted them all and she wouldn't give them to me, so for now I guess I am just taking it on faith that he is not lying, but I have very little faith left.

"We talked and agreed what we were doing was wrong. I had decided it had to stop."

He told me he had come to this realization in early June...after we had an opportunity to reconnect when neighbors took our kids for a couple nights.

The following week, he was hospitalized, and I scampered to find someone to take our kids, then rushed to be with him...not wanting to leave, even for a minute, until I could talk with the doctors.

He was texting her the entire time.

In mid-July, I discovered a text thread dated June 24th...he was telling her he couldn't stop thinking about her, asked if she was topless, had dug up old negatives from when they dated and converted them to pictures on his laptop.

I found no evidence that he was trying to end it, or that he would have if he hadn't been caught.

It breaks my heart whenever I think that it would probably still be going on to this day had I not figured it out on my own.

[This message edited by kickboxer at 11:24 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]