SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Don't live in the past, don't worry about the future, live in the present. Maybe it will be helpful to you, too./

I still have to tell myself this several times a week....before I let my thoughts go crazy and consume me. I have spent enough of my life being consumed by this. I'm trying my best to help myself. It works most of the time. I really do have a wonderful, beautiful life and marriage when I can stay in the present.

I need to accept that my FWH believes he loved me during his affair....

I need to validate my FWH's feelings. Just as he needs to validate mine.

Yes, it is important to validate each others feelings but validation doesn't mean agreeing or approving.

Validation is a way of communicating that the relationship is important and solid even when you disagree on issues.

We should validate the genuine feelings of another. The problem is, we are being asked to believe that our once manipulative, lying WH is now telling the truth about his feelings. If you can't believe that what they are saying is "the truth" it is very difficult to validate their feelings.

Agreeing with WH feelings of love, whether genuine or not, is a seperate issue.

We know that we must pay attention to our WS actions not words...

My WH actions during his A did not show me that he loved me.

My WH actions after the A positively proves to me that he loves me.

For me that is what matters now.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 12:09 AM, October 17th (Thursday)]