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Today I am feeling like I am the main character in a fecking tearjerker movie - the kind of movie where you use up a box of tissues because it's so sad because so much shit happens to her and mean people do bad things to her and it all makes you cry for her because it's so sad and you feel sorry for her and wonder why in God's name are people so fucking mean and heartless to other people!!!!

I don't want my life to be a fucking tearjerker movie and I won't let it be, but right now, at this moment, I can't help but think that what happened to all of us was just so mean and heartless and we can all be the main character in a tearjerker movie.

Yes, we can control how we let it effect us, I know that so no reminding me right now, because there are moments, weak moments maybe, when the thoughts of what happened to me sneaks into my awareness and I realize how damn sad it is that someone who loved me so much, at least at one time, could have done something so mean and heartless to me. I cry, then I make myself move on, but for that moment I feel like I'm in that fecking movie.

Just needed to vent - had a bad dream last night where ex and ow showed up and reminded me about all that had happened. Hopefully I'll move into a "happy feeling" movie character mode soon. I am just sad right now for all of us.

Sorry you are feeling sad. Only 8 months out from my Dday but I've come to the point where I feel I'm fighting harder than ever for myself. I still have those days frequently where it's all doom and gloom but I fight those thoughts off now. They don't do me any good. The person we thought they were IS NOT who they actually are. It's the sickening loss of someone that was important to YOU, but they are gone. The relationship that was once there is gone. Finding that acceptance is powerful. I'm looking forward to starting my next chapter, I much better one. Hope you are doing okay, FC. Just wanted you to know you've been heard.

That's what I mean - it's like a tearjerker movie where the main character's best friend dies, or the main character dies and it's just so sad. It's like Gone With the Wind where Scarlett's life turns out definitely different than what she thought it was going to be.

Like you said, it's the sickening loss of someone that was important to you, but they are gone. That's sad, like a Lifetime movie.

I could watch tearjerk movies before all this happened because I was safe and happy so the sad things happening in the movie were foreign to me, something that just happened to other people. Now I feel like my life could be made into one of these. Ugh.

I'll feel better tomorrow.

((((FC)))))