I need opinions on this draft. Too much info? I just don't know what he is going to want to hear. I’m sorry to bother you, but ever since I saw these emails last week, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what I should have said. I’ve gone back and forth, debating on whether or not to come out with it or remain silent, but ultimately, remaining silent was the worst mistake I’ve made through all of this and I’ve regretted it every minute. So here it is – I owe you an apology. I found emails and pictures between the two of them on February 1 when I was 5 months pregnant with our twin boys. I confronted ___ and he said that it had only gone as far as kissing and he had been feeling lonely and unloved in our marriage. After a long talk, he agreed to end things and work on our marriage and I said I was sorry for any role I had played in making him feel unloved and I would do my best to change that. The next week he had surgery and we put everything aside while he recovered. I couldn’t shake the suspicions, though, so I got ahold of his work phone (by that time he had stopped using his personal phone and email) and found more messages, this time using ______ cell phone because they used her as a cover to meet. I confronted him again and again he said he was sorry, but that was over now. He held me and cried that he was sorry, and that I meant more to him that anything in the world. In the meantime, my pregnancy is getting more difficult and I’m being told by my doctor to take it easy and avoid stress as much as possible because the risk of preterm labor is high at this point. Avoid stress. Right. I knew ___ was married and I knew she had 2 kids. ___ told me that her husband was cheating on her, whether that’s bs that he came up with, something he was told or what, I don’t know. But I did write a couple emails to you. I wrote and re-wrote, and read and re-wrote again. I kept wondering what the right thing to do was. On the one hand, I thought you had a right to know. On the other, I desperately needed my marriage to work at this point and I was afraid of the backlash of sending those emails. I needed to think of my babies and I just didn’t know what would happen. And, as I stated earlier, I was told that it hadn’t gone beyond kissing and it was OVER. Call me naïve, but I HAD to believe that. So I deleted the emails and did my best to move on like nothing had happened. That was the biggest mistake of my life, I think. I continued to check ____ phone, email, location and had suspicions of times when I THOUGHT he might have met up with her, but he always had another story. Their meetups in the park – he was working on a rental house. Their meetups at the bar – he was meeting guys from work. I was pregnant and home with our 3 year old daughter, so I couldn’t exactly follow him to be sure. And there weren’t any more calls or emails that I could find. Our boys were born on _____ and ____ was amazing the whole time. It was a very difficult delivery and I was out of it most of the next day while I received blood transfusions and recovered. Again, ___ played the devoted husband and father to a T. The nurses in the hospital even went out of their way to tell me what a lucky girl I was to have such a loving husband. I believed it. Finally, on June 19, I got our phone bill and everything came out. For whatever reason, he had gone back to using his personal phone. My theory is that someone from the company saw them together in the park and he got the “it’s your business but don’t use company resources to do it” lecture. I don’t know. But the number of calls was obscene. Calls BOTH WAYS. I think it’s important that you know that in all the evidence I have, NEITHER ONE OF THEM WAS MORE OF THE PURSUER. I’m not sure who started it or who finished it, but while it was going on, they both were all too eager to do it. After seeing the phone bill, after seeing that they called each other while I was in labor and over 10 times the day after my boys were born, I told him to get out. He begged me to let him explain. We went to the park and let our 3 year old play out of earshot while he told me that it had still be going on (no shit), but ironically, they had just decided to end it the week before and go to counseling with their spouses. He said that you had found out also. He was waiting for the “right time” after things settled down with the babies, to tell me the truth and suggest we go to counseling. There weren’t any calls after June 13, so I had no proof that he was lying. I told him at that point that there was NO WAY they hadn’t slept together like he had previously told me, and he confessed that they finally did the evening of June 1 when you were out of town, or so I was told. I don’t know how many times it happened, but it didn’t matter to me at that point either. Honestly, based on one of the emails I found in February, I find it hard to believe that they hadn’t been sleeping together back then, but I have no proof of that. Just my gut feelings. So that was my “d-day” so to speak. Ever since then, we’ve been going to a marriage group together and really trying to work on things. I tried to put everything out of my mind, and thinking that you found out in June, I let it go again. I shouldn’t have. I have regretted not telling you in February ever since I found out in June that it had continued. Maybe if I had, it would have stopped sooner. If I believe ___ and they didn’t sleep together before June, maybe they never would have if I had contacted you in February. I am so very sorry for that. In June, I honestly believed that you already knew, so I didn’t bother making contact then either. Again I should have. It wasn’t until last week, reading your messages, that I found out that I was lied to again. You emailed me in JULY. You said that ____ was still calling ____ in July, but I had been told it was over in June. There were no calls on his phone, so he must have found another way. I didn’t know. I confronted him about that, but he said that so many months later, he doesn’t remember when he stopped talking to her completely, but it’s over now. I believe this is the 4th time I’ve been told it’s over FOR REAL this time. I also had no idea that you had called him. He claims he told me. Um, I think I would remember that. But the bottom line of my very long email is that I am so very sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I don’t know how you finally found out or what you even know, but it should have come from me. When I finally saw your emails last week, I was so stunned. I am FAR from over this affair. Some days I think it will be alright and I can learn to move past it, other days I just don’t know. Apparently that’s normal and it could be years before I’m finally at a place where I can think of this without feeling like my heart stops. But if you are in a better place in your life, I’m so happy for you. No one deserves to be betrayed in this way. I just wanted you to know that I regret not telling you, and if you ever think of anything you need from me, please let me know. If you have already moved past this and this email brings you more pain, I’m terribly sorry for that. I just couldn’t live with myself any longer not saying it.
