SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I posted earlier about my husband being put on Cymbalta for periferal nerve pain, and (hopefully) also depression.

I was totally concerned about the side effect of "increased depression and suicidal thoughts".

A very smart person told me that it should be OK if he sees his IC to monitor his state of mind. My response to that was...

If only I could get him to go to an IC.

He wants no part of a counselor - says he doesn't want to relive or discuss anything about anything in the past, and that it wouldn't make any difference if he did.

So...today I texted husband who is out of town with kids at sports competition.

ME: Because of the side effects of "worsening depression and/or suicidal thoughts", I truly hope you will at least consider getting a counselor to see on a regular basis - weekly, every two weeks, or whatever - so that they can monitor your "state". Depression is one of those things that you don't see coming - when you have it, you don't necessarily feel it worsening. Just something I hope you will consider.

HIM: K

ME: Thank you.

HIM: Yw

I know that on the surface, his responses to me are underwhelming. But you cannot imagine how many times I have mentioned this to him to no avail. Maybe him using Cymbalta, as much as it upsets me, will be a blessing.

Of course, he has yet to go to an IC, but it is at least not a "NO".

I'm not hopeful yet, but I am considering the possiblity of thinking about maybe daring to begin to be almost hopeful!

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 7:58 PM, October 26th (Saturday)]

Usually the reason they tell you to look out for suicidal thoughts when starting an anti-depressant is that when deeply depressed, it's difficult to do anything, even formulate a suicide plan. Sometimes the increased ability to do things can backfire.

Also, there are ups and downs on anti-depressants, and it sometimes takes weeks for a positive effect. This can lead to thoughts of "Well if this isn't working, nothing will. Time to cash it in." (and yes, I've been there, done that, got the T-shirt)

From my personal experience, I'd say that you have less to worry about with Cymbalta than a lot of other SSRIs (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor) because it also is a norepinepherine reuptake inhibitor. This has a quicker effect than the SSRIs, which gives a shorter 'window' of risk.

Granted, my experience is not what everyone will experience. If you are worried about your H because of his behavior, don't let me talk you out of addressing it. But, if you're only worried because of the medicine disclaimers, relax. The drug companies have to cover themselves.

That's not to say that IC isn't a good idea. There's a lot of research being done on the link between C and changes in the brain's chemistry. I look at the ADs as a tool to get you to a place where you can work on the underlying issues.

Good luck.

Thanks Gemini...

My husband has mentioned (very infrequently) since the infidelity that he wishes he were dead. I have felt the same way.

I have however never thought he was in the state to actually harm himself actively - therefore I don't think he fits into the category that you first mentioned...where a slight relief from the deep depression gives him a glimpse of how to actually do it.

I am going to hold out for the hope that he follows through with the IC.

OMG this is the tablets when my ws started his short affair, it gave him the courage to go out of the marriage he became more agitated, and depressed, would not listen to anything, and now he will never take a tablet for anything, this tablet is what helped to destroy the vows and nothing will fix it now, whats done is done.

Are you saying you think Cymbalts contributed to your husband's infidelity?

I don't want to alarm you, because this is a drug that affects different people very differently.

But, I have always felt that being on Cymbalta contributed to my wife's affair. She was experiencing back pain (fibromyalgia)that she couldn't shake, and her doctor prescribed Cymbalta just a couple weeks before her affair started. She took Cymbalta about three months (two weeks pre-affair to about two weeks after D-Day).

During this time she was very confident and outgoing (on top of the world kind of thing), and said that she felt like she could do no wrong. She was also very sexual, more than normal with me in both words and actions. Cymbalta has a track record of making orgasms difficult for both men and women. Many people report an increased desire for sex, but with a decreased ability to finish.

In her case, and I think this is common with Cymbalta, the worry of suicidal thoughts came once she quit taking it. My understanding is that it is very important to work with your doctor to transition off of this drug, and that it is a very difficult drug to stop cold-turkey.

I hope this gives some insight, but I have to stress that Cymbalta, like many medicines, affects people very differently. This is just our experience.

{edited to fix typos}

[This message edited by WhiteCarrera at 10:04 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)]

Interesting the perceptions of ADs here. Most ADs decrease sex drive. However, ADs can throw someone into mania, especially if they are bipolar. WhiteCarrera, your wife's behavior on Cymbalta sounds a lot like a manic reaction.

Bipolar Disorder is often mistaken for Depression, but needs very different medication. That is where counseling comes in handy. Regular monitoring when first starting ADs is a must. There is also a high correlation between bipolar and infidelity.

WhatRight, what you were describing sounds more like depression than bipolar, especially

says he doesn't want to relive or discuss anything about anything in the past, and that it wouldn't make any difference if he did.

However, it is good to be aware of the possibilities.

Yes Cymbalta contributed to him having an affair, he knows it i know it, he couldnt believe how low he stooped to do this to me and our children, but he did and it changed who we both are, he became so confident and was upbeat thought he knew what he wanted, he also wanted to buy a motorbike, didnt care if it killed him very irrational behaviour, and he went cold turkey and he slowly went back to him self but only to realise shit what the hell have i done, but the damage is done, if he didnt go on those tablets i wouldnt be on this site, but glad i found it in time of need.

I was on cymbalta for awhile..about a year or so.

I had no desire to cheat on my husband. Yes,I felt happier,and more confident. But those things just made me feel better about myself..made me feel stronger. It did not make me want to have an affair. I think the desire to cheat would have to be there..and I had no desire.

It *did* affect me sexually. I was either unable to orgasm..and when I did..it took *a lot* to get me there.

I did not have suicidal thoughts. At all. They have to list all the possible side affects..it doesn't mean every person taking this drug WILL have these side affects. I had a headache for the first few days...very vivid dreams...and I was dizzy a few times.

I stopped taking it because of the dreams. They were VERY realistic and detailed. One night,I had a dream that my children were murdered. That was it for me. I called the doctor the next day..and told him to wean me off,and why.

WhatsRight...your WH has a lot of physical pain..and he IS depressed. If his doctor feels he needs this medication, you should trust that. Honey,I know you're worried. I understand. Im very familiar with your story,as you know. ALL AD's have this side affect. It shouldn't prevent someone from seeking help. But it *should* mean he is consciously aware that this side affect is a possibility,and he needs to communicate with his doctor if he feels he is getting worse. I know you want him to tell you if he feels worse..and he absolutely should. But...he has a history of not communicating with you about much of anything. Maybe you could get him to compromise. You will back off...if he agrees to speak to his doctor about any worsening depression.

Aren't emotionally unavailable men(and women too,Im sure) a pain in the ass?

(((((WhatsRight))))

I have a very hard time buying into "the ad's made me have an affair" mindset.

I've been on cymbalta before and others, I've never thought "oh hey! I'm going to go have an affair!". Likewise, my husband got on AD's after Dday and it didn't make him go out and have more affairs.

Now, if someone is bipolar and misdiagnosed, maybe being thrown into a manic stage I can see. But the meds made me do it when just depressed? I'm not buying it.

My wife is on Effexor, an anti-convulsant that is supposed to control the onset of migraines, and a sleep aid stronger than Ambien (which she was on, but claimed it didn't work.

There has been a total personality change in her, for the worse.

My fWH was on celexa for years and then his former Dr. just whipped out his Rx pad and put him on Wellbutrin, telling us that sometimes after years on celexa you get a flat zone and need a boost of another AD. All hell broke loose in his head shortly after beginning the Wellbutrin. What I think it did was lower any inhibitions to making dumb moves that were in his head. It's like the medicine stopped his ability to control his thoughts and keep them in check. He became invincible in his mind. Much like a manic phase. My therapist told him he was possibly bi-polar and we were treating him as such. He's not. Just had a lot of FOO issues and an abusive first marriage. AD's were prescribed during that marriage long before we had ever met.

He did stop it then started it up again and found out that it really messed with his head. Now he is off everything , 2 years now and in therapy instead. He had found that a medicine free life is much better than being on the drugs. It works for him.

Don't get me wrong, AD's don't cause affairs, but in my case they were instrumental in dropping the inhibitions which allowed his fantasies to come to life. Much like like a suicidal person getting the energy to actually go thru with it after starting AD's.