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ajsmom (original poster member #17460) posted at 8:26 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
Oh, my.
It looks like I won’t be seeing AJ for Christmas for the first time – well, ever – in his life. Originally he was to fly in on Christmas Eve and spend the 24th – 29th as usual jostling between his dad and I and our families. Weeellll…as it turns out, his dad and stepmom have planned a vacation in Nevada over the holidays (his dad is a big time off road motorcycle hobbyist) and they won’t be home. On one of his check-in calls with his dad, they got to talking about the trip and AJ and his GF have been welcomed to join them for some of the time. He then asked my opinion, and over the big swollen knot in my throat, I mumbled something like “Well, I knew this day would eventually come”…”You’re getting up there in age and your plans can’t center around me”…”blah, blah”, swallow hard, “blah, blah.”
I can’t hardly blame the kid given his choices – winter in Wisconsin – Vegas with dad and stepmom (who is wonderful to AJ by the way) – winter in Wisconsin…yeah, I get it. Plus, they’ll be there two weeks so his dad could easily also drive to see him and spend some time in Sandy Eggo.
I’m trying to keep the old chin up as he is coming into town the weekend after next for a GTG and football game with his college buddies at his alma mater and has me on his calendar to spend the Sunday and Monday afterward together, but still…Christmas without my kid?
Damn…not sure how well I’ll handle this. Good thing (?) I have two months to ruminate about it.
Sigh.
AJ’s MOM
ETA: Trust me, I'll be making the most of our time together coming up soon.
[This message edited by ajsmom at 2:31 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)]
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 8:30 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
Well that just sucks. I'm sorry.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 8:37 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
You're a good woman. I'm not sure I'll be so strong when/if the time comes. There isn't any way he can spend at least one day with you in that time?
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
ajsmom (original poster member #17460) posted at 8:47 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
There isn't any way he can spend at least one day with you in that time?
Nope. Airfare would be ridiculous.
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
heartache101 ( member #26465) posted at 9:01 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
AJSMOM
Aww honey I know.
I have one that is flying to Japan over Christmas but he did ask first.
I make no demands of my kids all year. Never have but I have always said if 12 noon comes and it is Christmas and your arse isn't here you better start prayin!
Maybe you can get to go visit them and get to catch some sunshine over the New Year??
There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 11:19 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
((((ajsmom))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 11:20 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 11:26 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
((aj)) can you go crash his place sometime around Christmas?
Its a long way to go but you are welcome to crash my Christmas. We're doing nothing exciting except watching any football we can find and eating too much
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 11:27 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 11:34 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
(((ajsmom))) I'm sorry. That would be a blow for sure.
Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?
k94ever ( member #11176) posted at 11:36 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
Hey Girl.....come up here and spend the night with me.
I'm doing the Marvel Comics Movie Marathon on Christmas day and will be serving excellent wines and a wonderful pear brandy I just ordered in for my store.
k9
BS:61
WS: 53
Betrayed: 24 years
Affairs: 15 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 1:51 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
Well I'm childless but I can understand how that must feel.
However, you could take this as an opportunity to create some new traditions just for you.
Spa day, deluxe dinner out, etc.
Start making a list and go for it. 
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
purplejacket4 ( member #34262) posted at 2:31 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
There's no way you can go to where your son is in Dec or Jan?
Me: BS 50
Her: FWS 53 (both family med MDs; together 23 years)
OW: who cares (PhD)
Dday: 10/11: 11/11 TT for months; NC 8/12
Limboconsiliationish
"band aids don't fix bullet holes" Taylor Swift
I NEVER mind medical ???
NaiveAgain ( member #20849) posted at 3:58 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
I'm sorry, it is really hard, especially the first time we have a holiday without our little ones (even when they are bigger they are still my little ones)
In my family, we have had to get used to it, so I've learned not to pay attention to the actual dates.
I have one that is flying to Japan over Christmas but he did ask first.
Yup. Me too. My oldest will be there with her husband. It won't be the same, but we will celebrate OUR official Christmas when she gets home, probably some time in February (gives me more time to shop...I hate the rush anyway).....
Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 6:16 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
But it does get easier. I've been doing this for several years now. I wish we lived closer to each other; we could keep each other company. No chance of my getting away for one day. Oh well...
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 10:30 AM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
My day is coming on this one--the oldest CatKid starts her clinical year next year, and will only have sporadic time off and no guarantee of time off at Christmas (although she will get a week somewhere around there--just not guaranteed to hit "the day."
It's tough.
You're welcome to come to Boston. We gots all sorts of stuff happening here and plenty of cold weather so you won't miss it.
Cat
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
She11ybeanz ( member #27457) posted at 2:00 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
(((ajsmom)))
I totally get it darlin! I love my baby girl more than anything in the world....and I celebrate every holiday with her like a national holiday! I look so forward to those memories....but I also know that one day she will get older....and slowly but surely be venturing out of the nest more and more. I dread those moments....but they are inevitable. He will have fun...but have some peace in knowing he will miss you during his 1st Christmas without his amazing mom....and he will feel your heartbreak....and it will steal his joy just a little bit. I know he loves you so much because you are so great! He will miss you too! But, this will be a fun, new experience for him in his life and you can create ones of your own for the two of you! And, then, next year.....you can have an extra special make-up Christmas celebration!!! Plan something awesome to do together next year AND this year when he gets back! (like a trip or a new tradition!)
[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:02 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]
"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"
ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
ajsmom (original poster member #17460) posted at 3:11 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
Awwww, you special peeps, you. You’re gonna make me cry, and gee, thanks......I HATE MASCARA!
I'm thinking of a trip in January (for both our birthdays) - I wouldn't bust in with his dad's time in December. I’m sure they would welcome me, but it wouldn’t be fair. His GF is going to be with her family the 21st – 25th, and as long as he's with family over Christmas, it'll all be good. Geez, you’d think the kid was 10 the way I’m behaving.
My wonderful sister has already claimed me for the holidays once she heard the news, so I'll be fine. If I know her, she’s got every minute planned. Will I be a bit lonely without him? Yes, but I’ll be fine.
However...your offers sound tremendous! And are quite enticing... 
I truly feel loved right now, and you all need to know how great that feels!
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 3:46 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
(((ajsmom)))
I feel your disappointment. My holidays have never been the same since the D. I never see my sons on Christmas eve or Christmas Day, but we manage to squeeze in one day sometime over the holidays.
At first it was really tough for me, but it got easier. Especially when I got the stories from them about spending time with XWH and his family. They will always love me best, even when we aren't together. And I know it isn't a contest - but they do love me best!
You will be ok - you know your son loves you best, even when he's spending time with dad.
Sending strength and peace.
NL
[This message edited by Newlease at 9:47 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]
Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.
little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 6:39 PM on Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
(((ajsmom))) I'm glad to hear that your sister will keep you super busy over the holiday.
Failure is success if we learn from it.
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