SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I met this guy online and we started chatting in early Oct - he seems lovely and we've both shared information about our situations, had lots of laughs and teasing, we seem to get on just great. It's now Nov 11 and we're still 'just chatting'.... getting a little frustrated. I know the obvious answer is to just ask him for a coffee but I worry this will scare him off.

If he wasn't interested, why would he share LOTS of information about his kids and his past with me? Maybe he's just wary of going down this new path, although his profile says he's 'ready to let someone close'. Maybe just not me?

What's the usual timeframe between chatting and actually meeting? I realise that depends on all sorts of factors, but I'm starting to feel as though I'm wasting my time, as much as I like him!

I like to meet quite early on because when I've done the long drawn out chat thing I seem to get attached to who I think they are. Then when we do finally meet he will be nothing like I thought

but everyone is different. I think you should do what you are comfortable with. and what would be the harm in a coffee date? At least you would then know if you want to continue or not.

good luck

I usually prefer to meet someone quickly as opposed to chatting or texting a lot. Every time there has been weeks and weeks of IM or texting before meeting face to face the guy has been a huge disappointment, if he showed up at all.

If you have been corresponding for more than 2 weeks and have had lots of deep conversations but have not tried to meet up, my guess is the guy has no intention of meeting.

When I was on OLD I wouldn't text or chat too much without setting a meeting. I felt it created a false sense of intimacy and closeness and I seemed to be disappointed when I met them and they sure did not look like their picture and did not appear to be what they presented. This false sense of closeness clouded what I knew I was wanting and would make me feel bad about then having to say something along the lines of "it was nice to meet you but we are not a match"

It always bothered me when 1st talking to somebody and then the next day they might text something like " I miss you"....really how the hell could you miss me, you don't know me. They would send texts like "just thinking about you"..... Really we have just talked on the phone. See it seems to me to build up that false sense that there is a connection before there really is a connection and then feelings get confused.

Just my $.02

I've had it happen too…liked someone then met in person and there was nothing "there". I hold guys off until meeting them. I think it is a little suspicious that he hasn't asked to meet you. Most guys want to meet quickly...

maybe here is your answer:

Me 45

STBXH 50

EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.

Married 10 years, together 14yrs

2 kids (DS11 & DD7)

Separated Jan 13. He's now living with OW3.

just a thought,

my two cents

Thanks everyone.

missherlots - I know it does seem like I'm jumping into this very quickly post-separation, however it was well and truly over for a very long time before he actually moved out. Here in Australia, we also have to wait 12 months before we can apply for divorce. The guy I am chatting too is in a similar situation - very much 'moved on' from his previous r/ship and waiting for the 12 mth mark to get divorced.

I do feel as though I'm more than ready to dip my toe into OLD and meet new people. I'll certainly be taking it very slowly.

worried-lady - yes! all this messaging does tend to create a false sense of closeness.

I think I will be suggesting a meet and greet pretty soon so I know one way or the other whether it's worth pursuing.

If you frighten him off by asking him to coffee, he's pretty dang skittish!! Ask him, be brave, you can do this!!

My "usual time frame" has gotten shorter the longer I've been OLD. It used to be a two weeks or three of chatting in emails, then a phone call, then a date. Now, if I'm interested and want to meet, I'll suggest a time and a place withing the first 10 days or so. I've been disappointed too many times too...great on paper, great conversation on line, and just not my type in person...c'est la vie...