SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

WH agreed to MC initially, although he sometimes vacillates on it. It's been hard to find a counselor on our insurance plan (on MY insurance -- I'm so tempted to dump him during Open Enrollment in January) that has availability for a new client.

So we have an incredibly inconvenient 9:30am appointment on December 3rd. WH is upset about missing work since he's a contractor and paid hourly, but I pointed out that he was willing to miss work to fuck up the marriage by going out of town with her, so he should be willing to miss some work to help fix this mess.

Given that this appointment is so far off I went ahead and found another LMFT. This one's male (not WH's preference, but boo hoo) and convenient to WH's workplace. I've spoken with the therapist and he recommended that I come in by myself for the first appointment, and then make another appointment for the two of us.

I've never been in any kind of therapy. What can I expect?

It's good that you have appointments with with more than one counselor. It's hard to find a old one so the more you shop around the better. You need to be clear about what you want from MC. A counselor who sits and listens without judgment was never going to work for us. We needed a counselor who could give us a list of tangible things to do to work on our marriage and call bullshit when required.

Thanks for answering. I'd like MC to be more than just spinning our wheels, so I'd like to get somebody who gives us concrete steps on what to do.

I'd also kind of like for somebody else to pile on WH but I don't think that's what a MC is supposed to do.

If nothing else it will at least give me an outlet -- somebody else to talk about this with. It's tough hiding from my friends, who are starting to notice something is wrong. I am concerned that I will get an instant referral to a psychiatrist since I suspect my honest assessment of my emotional state probably just screams "Needs antidepressants!" to a trained professional.

The best advice I can give is to be honest, with the counselor and with yourself. It'll be embarrassing and scary, sure, but no more so than anything you've been through in the last month right?

At least that's how I approached it. The first counselor I talked to was, I think, a bit surprised that I was so willing to be blunt about why I was feeling "Stressed, sad, and having trouble with emotions." I think I flat out told her I'd have checked "my wife's having an affair and I'm a bit overwhelmed" if that had been available to. She was one of those "emergency employee" type appointments, though, so we had to shop for our actual MC.