SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Do you want to better your chance that this will go no further?

Tell his wife. It does not matter that you implied that you wouldn't.

Besides, what if the table was turned and his wife knew...would you want her to let you know or would you prefer to be left in the dark?

Hi Moken

I do understand your reasons/concerns for not telling the BS.

However, consider this.

My FWH started 24 or so years ago. Who really knows?

I KNOW he had several LTAs (Long term affairs). One lasted for EIGHT YEARS!!!!!

These are the ones I know about. I suspect there were many more.(Read my profile).

At the age of 54 I discovered this.

I had been married for 28 years and KNOW he started cheating when we had been married for only about 4 years.

Discovering what he had been doing devastated me. Totally destroyed me. I will never be the person I was before dday.

During the affairs years I lost both my parents after awful illnesses and found out that both of my children have chronic debilitating life-threatening illnesses.

NOTHING has given me more sleepless nights than my FWH's betrayal.

Everything else I have been able to cope with.

Now I know, FWH is trying to be the model husband.

But he took my life.

He took my chance to have a real marriage. I can't imagine that I will ever be able to forgive or forget.

At my age (57) starting again is an awful thought.

If someone had told me all those years ago. If only......

Maybe he would have woken up. I really believe he would have. Instead he learnt that he could get away with it. Again and again and again.

Maybe I would have left him and found a real husband.

I don't know and I never will.

I wasn't given the chance.

In my opinion, this man will find another willing woman to cheat on his poor wife with.

Do you really want that?

As well, if she knows, you have another set of eyes on them. She will be watching her WH and you two can become allies.

Please tell her. Give her a chance.

Laura

Moken

I have sent you a pm.

Laura

Moken...I did the same thing for months. I told her that if she came near my husband again I would tell her long-term boyfriend. Eventually, I wanted to tell...but had to wait for my own ethical reason till the rage and need for revenge passed. 5 or 6 months later I sent him a message from FB. It was the right moral thing to do. In the end, if it goes underground...her eyes will help you to keep them exposed. It also sends a clear message about where you stand on cheating. Do the crime...pay the time.

So glad they don't work together. Things will be so much easier that way.

Your stated rationale for not telling the BS is that is your tool to keep the OM away from your wayward. That thinking is flawed and bassackwards.

The VERY STRONG consensus here is the exact opposite. Disclosure will keep him away and burying it will allow it to go underground. Others will chip in to detail their experiences that support the consensus. Please listen to them.

Yes, tell the other BS as soon as possible. No need to keep it in your hip pocket. Show them you mean business.

You have a moral obligation to tell the OM's wife. She is living a lie and is unknowingly being taken advantage of by her husband. How can you in good conscience allow that to continue?

Take your time and make no quick decisions to reconcile. You have not verified that the affair has not gone physical. All you have is your cheating wife's word. The word of a cheat and liar.

Verify, gather intel, and then make your decisions accordingly. Do not be quick to forgive her. Make her earn your forgiveness by showing you her remorse and contrition and a commitment to rebuilding the marriage.