SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you for sharing and letting us see into the mind of a cheater. This story made me hurt so bad for your ex-wives.

I doubt you would have been good if you didn't divorce...you would have moved on to another affair. Someone did end up truly happy. Your second ex-wife. No you couldn't have loved her when you treated her like that. That is not love.

I hope you have finally learned from this and become a better person.

As an update: BBF Bro says he wrote this not so much to help a BS understand than for a WS to see himself, to see the lies he/she tells themselves and to hopefully be (as he put it) a windshield wiper to their fog... that if even one wayward read this and saw that they were doing and saying the same things that they might take a step back and say whoa, wait this guy knows how I feel... and maybe they will go stand with their spouse and stop this game that they will lose. He said all people who leave for their affair partner lose in the end. Once the drama dies and no one cares what they do anymore is when they wake up.. but by then all the damage is done and it's too late. Affair love is not real love, its obsessive, it's addictive, it's a fantasy.

He also said, by the time his AP was pregnant he was already clearing but the baby made him stay. When he found out it wasn't even his he felt even more like an ass. Not only did he lose his wife but he did not see this woman clearly and while in the fog the woman manipulated him so much he really believed her and that they were meant to be. He said the excitement and chaos is so addictive and there was so much chaos he really thought and felt it had to be "right"... he didn't see the disruption as a warning this was wrong.

He also points out that every time he cheated he was sober. He thinks there is a correlation. He thinks an addict creates drama all the time by their actions so when they get sober, there is no more drama.. so they find new drama that doesn't involved substances. He thinks someone in recovery needs counseling as well. The counseling would help them not to transfer the feeling to something else and to see this is a real problem that happens. AA and NA (he said) addresses the abuse, but not the transference. AA people are just people, not counselors. They have no idea how to treat anything but staying away from substance abuse. They look away from everything else.

If you sent these to a wh do you think it would even register? My husband left me two months ago for the ow and acts like I never existed.

horsegirl, I don't think that a person who is still actively involved in an A would recognize himself or herself in the above histories. They would just feel defensive, and say, "I am not like that. My "friend" is not like that. You're just trying to point the finger."

Don't bother sharing this with your WH. He will use it to hate you more, as he is in the fog himself.

Regarding the WH who wrote the letters posted here, I hear a lot of demonizing of the women in his life. He seems to put them either in angel status, or bitch status. While he takes some responsibility for his own actions, much of the time he blames OW for brainwashing him. Really??? Twice??? Two wonderful, angel wives that he completely trashed because the evil OW took over his mind?

Before everyone puts him on a pedestal for being so brave for posting his story, consider why is he refusing to post it here himself, but allowing someone else to post it for him? Either way, it is here for all to see. My spidey senses are all tingling, and I can't identify why...maybe I sense manipulation? IDK, but I don't have any sympathy, respect, or trust for this guy.