I've been off of SI for a while, just browsing through for a few minutes a day when I can get on at all.
We've been through a lot of changes in the past few weeks. My BW received a job offer in a distant state that was too good to pass up, so we packed everything up, found buyers for the house and moved halfway across the U.S. in the span of about two weeks.
I have my same job and am telecommuting. Her new job is working out well so far and they think very highly of her. She defends her dissertation next month.
We are still settling in, but the chaos is lessening. No fights since we have moved, but there have been needful and hard discussions. I think that it helps a great deal that significant power has shifted in her direction. She is instantly an equal earner in the house after being in her most vulnerable position financially since we have been together. She has high status at the job. Negative elements from our life in the previous city are at arm's length. Other things, too.
Right now, it feels like a couple of things are in play. Breathing room for her. Enough external stressors are being managed that in the next couple of months she will be able to start thinking about whether she wants to be in the relationship rather than has to be because of practical reasons.
Also I feel right now is basically a job interview for me in the relationship. After she has the degree and we have divided the profits from the house, that will be a significant decision point about what the next step are. I want, more than anything in the world, to be a good and worthy man in a good and worthy marriage with her. In a little while, we get to find out whether she is willing to let me keep trying or if it's time to turn the candidate away.
To continue the analogy, if I get the job, that just means that I'll still be subject to strict performance requirements, not that I have tenure.
Regards to you all. I'll be around more as things continue to settle down.
