SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes. H had told OW verbally that he didn't want to hear from her but she would not stop contacting, insisting that they had always been friends and could continue, wanting to work together on projects, saying that he was like family to her. H blocked her from everything and sent the letter. I have it memorized. When I start thinking about OW, I recite it in my head almost like a mantra to set my mind free from the A obsession.

OW,

I don't exactly know why the letter still gives me peace of mind, but it really does.

Yes, we sent one. The affair ended in 2004. OW stalked and fished for FWH for 6 years. Then I found out about the affair in 2010. For the next 2 years OW continued to fish. We finally sent a NC letter. (We didn't find SI for 8 months after d-day, didn't know about NC letters.)

Our NC letter has given me great peace of mind. They usually say here to make it short and business like. I agree for the most part. If you have a junior bunny boiler, like us, I feel it needs to be a little stronger.

I really enjoy any opportunity to share MisterSister's letter. I just noticed today that he spelled the OW's first name wrong. Love it even more!

Ms. XXXXX XXXXX

MisterSister

Ha MS - that's awesome!

My H's NC letter is sitting in my car waiting to be mailed today. One of my dealbreakers and something going on the marraige contract we're making is that NC is to be final and forever. H wrote it the other night after a little pressure from MC that him telling her over the phone (without me present) and her and him breaking the first 2 NC. I would have liked to add Agee things to it, but he did his best in his own words. It is meaningless if I tell him what to write.

Summary:

AP

I'm writing this in my own words to tell you I will never contact you again and you must never contact me. My behaviors and my relationship with you with her worst mistake of my life. It has destroyed my marriage my family and even my young children. I am disgusted by my selfish behavior. My family has been torn apart and my sobriety has been hanging on by a string. You must stay out of my life. I am trying to put the pieces of my family back together and didn't think about them and my wife that I have hurt and destroyed.

It will be mailed with signature confirmation when I am certain he's not talking to her on the side. He says he is relieved its over and to send it now.

My WH texted her that the relationship and friendship was over. They due to her not taking the job with his company there was no reason for them to ever have contact again.

She responded with Ok.

It wasn't my first choice, but if felt if he wrote another correspondence it would open up the lines between them again. So, I wrote her an email.

OW,

This will be the last communication you will receive from me. (I sent her a one sentence email asking her if she had sex with WH, she never responded). Do your husband a favor. Tell him you were unfaithful with my husband. He has a right to know.

Last, if you have any thought for your children or mine, delete my husband from any and all contact lists. If you see him in public walk the other way. The selfishness the two of you have displayed has put my family, as well as your husband's, in a tailspin that I am not sure we will recover from. If you have any conscience at all, never so much as think about contacting him again. If he contacts you ignore any and all communication. Think of someone else for a change. Something neither of you bothered to do during your affair.

Sammy

She never responded. I didn't tell her BS. Not a popular decision on here, but for me it was the right one. I have a feeling it isn't the last we hear from her. WH was in a fog and wanted to run away together immediately. She wanted to wait until after the holidays. WH guilt wouldn't allow him to wait that long. I have no idea if her husband knows, but I do know she will fake it until the new year. So, I am predicting her telling him in new year, her BS kicking her out, and her reaching out to WH. Which she will have to work at because she is blocked from everything, he changed his number, etc. professionally is the only way she can reach him right now (can't change work email and linked in won't let you block). He has agreed that we will form a response, if any, together should she contact him. As for the yearly conference they met at back in August starting this whole thing. I will be attending that with him next year. She is in the industry so will be at that.

T/J Sammy2013, obviously you know the "party line" here about telling the OBS. Sorry to beat a dead horse but I will implore you to tell the OBS. Wouldn't you have liked the OBS to tell you if they knew about it?

Why is it wrong for 2 AP's to not tell the BS's that they are having an affair, but it is not wrong when the same 2 AP's and one of their BS's don't tell the OBS? You add in 1 BS + 2 AP's and that ='s it is okay to keep secrets about someone else's marriage? I am sorry, I don't understand that logic. End T/J

No letter, but an NC phone call, in private. He reported back to me the content of the conversation.

Do I regret not having insisted on listening? Yes, even though I think he reported the conversation accurately. I would have liked to hear the anguish in OW's voice and know that she was suffering.

FWH had just read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" the day before the phone call. Based on his reading, he allegedly urged OW to confess to her BH, who was suspicious anyway. FWH then insisted on no more contact.

OW had a severe panic attack during the conversation to the point that FWH was on the verge of calling 911.

There was one issue that needed clearing up that he needed to check with me and get back to her about--we had been planning to let OW's daughter (an incredibly wonderful young woman) stay in our city apartment (a tiny studio pied-à-terre) during her one-month veterinary internship. What would happen to that arrangement?

OW also wanted to know if I wanted to talk to her (OW).

With my permission, FWH e-mailed her that (1) I did not want OW's DD to suffer for OW's sins, and that she could still stay in the apartment; OW's BH and I could handle the details (key exchange, etc.). (2) I did not have the slightest desire to talk to OW.

The e-mail was short, and aside from the answers to those two questions, it reiterated the "no further contact" rule firmly and confirmed a few other details that he'd told me about the phone call.

By the way, it turned out that OW's daughter did not end up staying in our apartment. She wrote my FWH a month before the internship was to start thanking both of us, and stating that she had "changed her mind" and had accepted an internship elsewhere. I would love to know the real story behind that one!

Well when I found the condom in the car he told her it was over ... She kept fishing he told her again NC. I saw her text as he wasn't guarding his phone thinking she wouldn't contact him any longer... Oops bitch did and then he finally admitted to a friendship... Stupid me... Next day I contacted her telling who I was and that he told me about them and to leave him alone. She kept on fishing but he told her it's over go away. Of course I asked him to send her a NC letter but he's a coward and never did. It's still somewhat of a deal breaker for me but she has left him alone that I know of. She did hover around him at a function last month. Made me sick..

But I think it's imperative to let her know that HE doesn't want her or anything to do with her.. That way there are no delusions on her part..

Good luck.

Yes, and yes. The day after Dday, we composed an email together and he sent it in my presence. I am so glad we did.