SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I did let him tell me what he has learned so far. I can't help it

Yes, you can help it. All you are doing is feeding the caretaker need when you do this.

It's so sad to watch you go through another heartbreak, NA.

You're an amazing woman. Don't let him bring you down any more than he already has. There are men out there that won't hurt you, beautiful lady.

Big hugs.

All you are doing is feeding the caretaker need when you do this.

No. I am not interested in taking care of him. Honestly, I wanted to know what he learned as far as how it relates to me. Why he did what he did. Because of how it affected me. Right now, I am in pain and everything I am doing with him is for me me me. I want answers.

Thanks Hope.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 9:37 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]

If he is doing this shit now, what is he going to do later?

Right now, I am in pain and everything I am doing with him is for me me me. I want answers.

I get that, I really do. He did it because he wanted to and he thought you wouldn't find out.

It is really that simple. The bigger question is why you have convinced yourself that any answer he gives you is "for you". Any anwer he gives is for himself, and his own selfish thought patterns. Really! Any further interaction with him is you trying to convince yourself that it is for you own understanding, or your own healing.

Your own healing will come entirely from within yourself.

PS.

what he learned as far as how it relates to me.

It doesn't relate to you, only to him.

Right now, I am in pain and everything I am doing with him is for me me me. I want answers.

Unfortunately, those answers will not come from him. Look within...

-t2g

Honestly, I wanted to know what he learned as far as how it relates to me.

What could he possibly tell you in that short amount of time that would even be valid? All he could do is parrot what he read in order to satiate you at that moment.

Any further interaction with him is you trying to convince yourself that it is for you own understanding, or your own healing.

I have to agree with alphakitte on this.

Myself, I really don't have any desire to wait around for someone to "fix" themselves so that we can build a good relationship. I want them "fixed" before they even offer themselves to me as an option.

^^^This wisdom from Dontknowwhyme^^^ repeat it until it sticks.

I'm a fixer and a helper and a healer too. But now I only do it for myself and my friends not anyone I date...

(((NA))) When the shock wears off, give yourself some time--weeks maybe--of NC with this guy so you can sort it all out for yourself without his influence.

What could he possibly tell you in that short amount of time that would even be valid? All he could do is parrot what he read in order to satiate you at that moment.

I need to think about that one.....

He did it because he wanted to and he thought you wouldn't find out.

Yeah. I do know that. He knows that also. It was very selfish.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 10:41 PM, December 6th (Friday)]

Dear NA, I am so sorry for your pain.

I feel a special kinship with you since we were in the same 'class', by that I mean SI joining time.

Please don't let this dim the beautiful spirit, caring person that you are.

Also, consider going NC and 180 at least until you get back on your footing. Do this for YOU.

Thank you Helen.

Also, consider going NC and 180 at least until you get back on your footing.

I am detaching some, but I go back and forth. He used to be the one I ran to FOR comfort, now he is the cause of my pain.

I am so angry and hurt. He promised he would not drive other women around because I knew he was working on boundary issues. I asked him SPECIFICALLY about the women at work. And then he looked me in the eyes, left my home twenty minutes earlier than usual, telling me he needed gas or food, and it was to pick up the damsel in distress and take her nasty ugly butt to work with him. AND HE DIDN'T EVEN REALLY LIKE HER!!!!!!!! Except for the ego stroking validation he got. He left me, the one he "loved" and wanted to make a future with, just so he could be the hero. AND WE TALKED AND TALKED ABOUT HIS KISA ISSUES! HE WAS AWARE OF THEM AND HE EVEN WAS CAREFUL AROUND ME WHEN WE WERE JUST FRIENDS! When he felt himself needing to rescue me, he would back off and tell me about it. So I thought he was doing really well with the issue. I respected this one because he was in counseling and working hard on his issues. He would talk them OVER with me!!!!!

I'm so stupid. What the hell is wrong with me? I thought we were equals because I've done a lot of counseling for my issues and have come far...I thought he was working on his too and I SAW him making progress before I agreed to date him. I thought people could change. I have. I know I've become a better person. I had some bad traits. I've had some character flaws. I worked really hard to fix those. So I thought people could change. I've seen people work on here and change.

He looked me in the eyes and lied, because his selfish need for ego-stroking was more important than anything real with me. I hate him.