SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I would rather eat ground glass.

I would rather eat ground glass.

This is where I want to be! One day I hope.

Oh yeah, all the damn time. However, I know this is not where my life is headed. He is not interested in R, and probably could not do it even if he was. I'm just sick about it in every sense. I want to get to the ground-glass analogy.

So I like this thread. What I did was page through it and look at the registered-date of every Hell No on here. Seems like they start in 2011. Two years. I can do that. I can ride this crazy shit out for two more years if that means I can get to hell no.

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

It took me awhile to get there. I still loved XWH the day of our divorce. For months after, I kept hoping that he would make some sort of grand romantic gesture that would be proof he had changed and that we could be together.

I had to work on things, process, spend time with good, caring, moral people, and finally I was there.

You'll get there, too. If you could turn your feelings off like a spigot like these cheaters do, you'd not be the wonderful, caring person that you are.

Artemisia, I had a similar thought but more centred around if the 'HELL NO' came from those who either were in false R or had the opportunity to R and chose not to.

Could the 'think of taking him back' process stem from a place of having an unremorseful wayward, no choice in the A and no choice to R left us feeling powerless. Hence the thoughts. I believe we will all end up in the HELL NO category in time, regardless of the path we take.

I think I may always have feelings for him because he's my high school sweetheart, first and only love, and father of my three children. BUT I will just have to have those feelings from a distance. I read something recently that I marked so I could remind myself when needed - "God didn't give you the strength to get back on your feet so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."

Great observation Artemisia.

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

I was one of those who knew right away that it wasn't "worth" getting back together, that he was just too broken for me, so I never really considered reconciliation. I sure missed what I "thought" we had for a very, very long time though, and I still miss that some days. But the reality and the dream weren't the same...

I am in the Hell No camp. I tried to R for nearly three years after D-day, and I think that by the time I got to "we need to S & D" (which was my choice, because I was tired of broken promises of "doing better" etc) I was already at Hell No. I had to get there to reconcile myself to D. So for me there has been no looking back, because the R process killed whatever respect and love I had left for him -- and I was genuinely and passionately in love with him for 15 years, and happily M until his ONS and the complete failure to repair the damage.

I did for a long time. And I still do miss being married. Just not to him. I don't fantasize about it anymore. It would be a cold day in hell before I ever got back together with him.

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

I was there right away, mostly because the very wise people here on SI opened up my eyes to his NPD ways and the fact that there was, somewhere, someday, a better life for me.

NO!! Never! I deserve better than that.

whg

[This message edited by WarehouseGuy at 4:52 PM, December 7th (Saturday)]

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

I'm a 2012 and I laughed out loud when I read the topic - that's how impossible it is.

It took me several months to get here. Helped along by extreme fuckery on his part (thanks, douchebag!).

Even when I was in that place it wasn't this new guy I wanted, it was the man I thought I married.

Deep down I knew this was a deal breaker on DD. Even if he was truly remorseful I knew myself - I'm not up for the ravages of R.

I don't know why the emotional abuse wasn't a deal breaker, or the loose boundaries or even the suspected infidelity. Something snapped in me once I knew without a shadow of doubt. I suspect it was the point at which I could no longer lie to myself.

Yet I'm still mourning the guy I thought I married - even though he was a PITA, had booze issues and was not all that interesting. Boring really. Plus he scratched a FOO itch. No thanks. TBH it was the love bombing I yearned for most.

I knew right away that I was a HELL NO. However, my marriage was abusive right from the start, so I was HELL NO long, long ago.

Mom4ever I love this!

"God didn't give you the strength to get back on your feet so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."

HurtsButImOK this is how I feel about it.

Could the 'think of taking him back' process stem from a place of having an unremorseful wayward, no choice in the A and no choice to R left us feeling powerless. Hence the thoughts. I believe we will all end up in the HELL NO category in time, regardless of the path we take.

Having no choice and being blindsided this way.

I tried R for over 3 years, gave him more chances than a Monopoly game. No, now I can't ever be with him again. I have learned too much about him and myself. I always deserved better treatment than he is capable of giving. I just didn't know that until I was away from him. Do I think about it, yes and every way I can see it, it would never work out. Do I think he will come back? When everything falls apart, yes. Then he will try. This I have known since we started dating, I just felt it, I could actually see it in my mind. Some things you just know.

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

It took me a while to get to Hell No. I think I held out hope for the first year. I walked away long before I totally let go but she worked real hard to make sure to destroy that bridge and once I saw who she really was and recognized 1. this really is the real her and 2. It was there all along, I just refused to see it, then I was done.

I had my last full blown trigger attack last Christmas when I replied to a question in General and it suddenlyy hit me hard. Since then I have been hell no all the way.

I thought about it.....

I'm with the HELL NO people!

Just thinking about it makes me have diarhea-like bowel cramps!

HELL NO!!

I would never marry her again. But if a miracle occurred and she had that cranium transplant, I still have very warm feelings for the woman I once knew. It's like the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series... you know in your heart it's never going to happen, but wouldn't it be a hoot?

hahah, what a post. I love all your responses!! I was feeling low that day. FUCK. THAT. GUY. That's what I tell myself everyday. I LOVE my freedom. I pay the bills, I'm the boss now!! :)

Yes, after researching NPD, I'm running for the hills!!!! He totally lost his mealticket and loyal little wifie. I will see him in court for full custody of the kids, alimony, child support, along with a restraining order. Thank you very much. Again, FTG. :) Because I'm not the broken one, I'm awesome.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:34 PM, December 9th (Monday)]