This Topic is Archived
grains (original poster member #32590) posted at 6:55 PM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
I realized that even if we feel and think that we have resolved to reconcile, to recover and to heal, we still have to communicate that to our BS in clear and simple words and actions. I noticed that about myself. I would have a moment of clarity and resolve about our reconciliation and often I just keep it locked in my mind. It shows that I still have not gone beyond my self centered thinking which is wayward thinking. I need to develop the thinking and behavior of a partner in a good and healthy relationship that always expresses their important thoughts and feelings to their partner. I must let my partner know.
WH 63
BS 52
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day#1 03/01/2011
D-day#2 7/8/2015
D-day#3 9/3/2015
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 7:24 PM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
This is true, and it goes both ways. At this point your BW is still probably feeling vulnerable and reluctant to express her feelings. But I agree with what you said-expressing feelings to each other is very important.
We live by 'I am not a mindreader', so we don't expect each other to know the other's feelings, we have to remember to speak them.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
grains (original poster member #32590) posted at 2:34 AM on Sunday, December 15th, 2013
" I am not a mindreader" - I need to remember that and also that my BS has feelings that are hard for her to express just as I have. There are things that are difficult to see on our own. Thank you.
[This message edited by grains at 9:39 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]
WH 63
BS 52
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day#1 03/01/2011
D-day#2 7/8/2015
D-day#3 9/3/2015
nevergiveup10 ( member #41537) posted at 12:34 AM on Tuesday, December 17th, 2013
I know I used to keep things to myself because I didn't trust my emotions or thoughts. Now that I better understand that and trust myself more it is easier. I'm always surprised that what I finally had the nerve to say was already on her mind. Trust yourself!
WH 39
BS 34
D-Day July 15, 2013
Together 10 years
Three great boys 8,5 & 2
Working on R
Fallout ( new member #39276) posted at 2:23 AM on Tuesday, December 17th, 2013
I really struggle with this, too. Before the A and after the A! If I felt I had a problem, I would deal with it or bury it rather than express it. I felt pretty alone in my relationship for a while. Communication is getting better, but its still pretty rough.
D-day was in May of 2013.
Confessed a 10 month PA/EA with a co-worker to my long-term partner. Currently attempting reconciliation.
Together for 11 years. Both in early 30's. No kids.
grains (original poster member #32590) posted at 5:27 AM on Tuesday, December 17th, 2013
I know that it takes effort to really understand someone. It requires a kind of listening where you do not judge and you try your best to see things as they are. Most of the time we are always assigning a plus or a minus to what we perceive. It also requires feeling - feeling what the other person might feel , being in their skin, walking in their shoes. I have heard these phrases before. I am beginning to understand it more. Then there is the inevitable other half of reaching out to someone - that of being understood. It is very lonely if you are not understood.
[This message edited by grains at 11:45 PM, December 16th (Monday)]
WH 63
BS 52
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day#1 03/01/2011
D-day#2 7/8/2015
D-day#3 9/3/2015
This Topic is Archived
