SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have always sort of thought there was more to the story. The continued contact after D-day was one sign and then OW's response to the final NC letter was another. Please let me know what you think...

D-day was July 23. At first WS just tried to avoid her. She sent him a message the day after D-day "Guess we are not talking today? I was bad yesterday, I apologize. Are you okay?" She also called him "babe" at some point. He wrote back that day "I'm okay, just been busy. I apologize too, it won't happen again."

For the next couple of days they didn't e-mail or message on facebook at all. Up until that point they did every day they worked all day long. On the 27th I asked him to send a NC letter after she e-mailed him asking what was wrong and stated he was acting weird. He replied, "Cl131716 saw the messages and wasn't too happy. Again I apologize and there were no intentions in any shape or form. I'm not acting weird. I'm just bothered she is upset about the convo and trying to mend that with her. It won't happen again. From now on nothing but work."

Of course they continued contact after that, however. She would ask how I was feeling (I was 8 months pregnant at the time) and he would respond. She also told him stuff going on with her daughter and he replied "sorry to hear that". She even asked for pics of our newborn son the day he was born (I was literally being stitched up) and he took some and sent them to her. This was before I found SI and really understood NC.

In September I began working at their place of employment cleaning the office on Sundays when everyone was off. The very first Sunday I worked she showed up (I was driving his car btw) and came strolling into the office. This was the first time I met her in person. She had no clue who I was. I went to the back and when I came out she strolled out of his office with a big grin on her face. She unplugged his computer as a prank. I was furious. Again WS sent her an e-mail stating I saw what she did and wasn't happy. Please keep it professional. She replied she was sorry, it was just a joke, and I needed to lighten up because she was not after him.

After that they didn't e-mail much. Every morning she would send a "good morning" e-mail and a few times he replied "morning" but nothing else. During this time she was still on his friend's list on facebook too. I asked for her to be removed shortly after D-day and he finally did it at the end of September.

In the middle of October I left for a couple of weeks because he was accusing me of cheating. He worked himself up so much one day he threw up. It was too much. I told him on Oct 30th I wanted a D, I was pissed at the time because he was refusing to watch the boys so I could look for a job. He had also started chatting with another woman on facebook (about our issues) and deleted me from his friends list because of something my sister said "she deserves someone better". On Oct 31st (our one year anniversary) I went over to talk to him. I asked to see his phone. He let me. I saw the messages with the friend on facebook, nothing bad but it still pissed me off because it seemed like he was already attempting to line up an replacement. He had also received this e-mail from OW.

"You know you can't even return a Email? We can't be friends on facebook either you deleted me. Wow. I am so sorry for whatever is going on . Or whatever I did which was talk OMG. Nothing more ever nothing did I do to get the cold shoulder from you."

He replied that we were separated and possibly getting a D. He also told her he thought I may have had other motives for leaving (another man) and told her to take care. Apparently they also spoke on the phone at some point. She sent an e-mail back saying she was glad he was okay and they could be friends.

The following Monday she sent another e-mail asking how his weekend was. At this point I had agreed to come back home so we could work on our M. He wrote her "that it was great, cl131716 came back and she is all I need. I don't need you as a friend. I don't need to discuss anything with you that is not work related."

She got pissed! She began going on about his change in attitude, how I must be reading this, and she didn't need him even for work anymore. She later sent us both this e-mail.

"So I am sending to both of ya'll.... Never did I want WS or have any fantasy of see him being with him.. EVER so cl131716 don't use me as an excuse to no be with him. Yes I am responsible for all I said but it was words. NO MEANING behind it. WS loves you very much VERY MUCH .... So stop worring about me there is nothing to worry about. Yes I have email him it was just saying Good Morning .. To not be RUDE because it is to email everybody else and leave him out of a Hello . Hoping everyone had a great day or weekend. No intensions behind damn.. I am pissed off my self for being accused of something I didn't do or thrown under the bus as an excape goat for something that was taken the wrong way. Never did we try to meet or talk on the phone or any of that. No texting no other messaging. So I don't know what Ws has told you but, was nothing but nothing. If I so wanted it to be more than that I would of kept trying.. But I didn't except for hello or how are you. So both of you have a great life and if I need to go to the boss I can and both of you Need to get a life together because, there was no reason to not ever.. WS you better tell her that I never wanted you never persued never called to chit chat. NEVER SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH ME.... IT HAS BEEN MONTHS AND I HAVE NOT SAID SHIT... I AM PISSED OFF AND SICK OF HOW TODAY HAS BEEN.. THIS IS CRAZY I HAVE NEVER WANTED YOU EVER.. WOW SO IF YOU TOLD HER IT WAS NOTHING AND I TOLD HER IT WAS NOTHING IT WAS NOTHING GET ON WITH IT. DONT PUT IT ALL ON ME !!!! I HAVE NOT BUGGED THE HELL OUT OF YOU .. BOTH OF YALL CAN FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULD OF JUST SAID THAT THIS MORNING DONT BE SO ERIGANT WITH YOUR SELF THAT YOU PUT YOUR SELF IN THIS SPOT.. YES I SAID STUFF BUT THAT WAS BULLSHIT NOTHING ELSE.. I HAVE ONE ASSHOLE I DONT NEED YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. THANK YOU HAVE A GREAT LIFE.."

I know she already lied in that e-mail. The part about them never messaging each other (a LIE they messaged over facebook) and WS even admitted they spoke over the phone a few times. Also, she didn't just send him a good morning e-mail she also sent e-mail asking why he wouldn't respond.

So that is all. Sorry about the novel. I asked him over and over why she blew up the way she did and if he was different with her than he led me to believe. He doesn't know and of course says he wasn't.

Just some side info: They no longer work together. WS got a new job. Even when they did work together it was not in the same office. She worked on a lot 45 minutes away from his. He did train her from April to May however and during that time they did work side by side (apparently she hung out in his office some and they sat in the common area and talked...this is new info). They did work alone a few days as well but I believe it was before they really got close.

[This message edited by cl131716 at 9:35 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)]

my god. Her spelling and grammar is atrocious!

I know, right? Excape goat? That made me spit out my coffee.

If they were just friends, why is she so mad? Why does it bother her so much? I feel that there was much more than they are admitting to.

Hilarious!

This was very much like H OW coworker. ANd she was fishing for any man. I finally met her when she tried to tongue kiss H, standing beside me. It was priceless, once the pain relieved. She was a dumb ass. Lies lies lies. Lies. No morals. Cant stand to be called out on it.

Oh I know! Her spelling and grammar drove me crazy! I know I make mistakes but she would write like a child! I corrected her once in an e-mail I wrote her (right before she wrote this one) because she always wrote bored....board. SMH

If they were just friends, why is she so mad? Why does it bother her so much? I feel that there was much more than they are admitting to.

Exactly my question! I do too. I don't think either will ever admit it though. They both hold fast to the claim "it was nothing".

ERIGANT...O.M.G. Does she even have her GED? Holy cow.

Too bad she didn't write that bullshit letter on paper...would have been fun to correct her spelling with a big red pen. She's so full of shit. She's mad. She does want him and she's pissed because he's not interested. What a pathetic skank!

cancuncrushed- Yes I believe she is that type. She was also texting the other salesman WS worked with. At least he was single. She, however, is MARRIED and uses the sob story her husband is cheating on her.

She used to tell him I was a lucky gal and how great of a guy he was. After everything I thought....really? Your husband cheated on you so you went after a married man with a young child at home and one on the way because he was a "great guy"? Great guys don't CHEAT on their wives!!!

Wow!!! Simply Wow!!!

She is a needy drama queen. I bet her real life is boring as hell, maybe no drama with her BS at all. It may all be vanilla at home and she craves the sauciness attention of other men. She is a needy idiot who searches for "nice" men to throw her crap around as bait.

I find it interesting for her to be saying NO MORE DRAMA when she started it. Even her email to end it is full of self inflated drama. Good grief.

Is she the one who planted the seeds in your H's mind that you might be cheating?

OMG....thank you for sharing. I was having a bad day, but I was laughing so hard reading this it has put me in a good mood. Excape goat?!? I can't stop thinking about a goat running around in a superman cape or something.

I love the line about if she says nothing happened and he says nothing happened, then nothing happened. What scholarly logic! If two proven liars lie about the same thing, then their "truth" becomes reality. Wow.

ETA: ooh, good point lovedyoumore. I wonder if she tried to tell your WH that certain things you did were things her WH did while cheating?

[This message edited by TennisTC at 10:32 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)]

Wow... There was a lot to pick from there... but for me 'ERIGANT' gets the prize - especially as she so thoughtfully capitalized it for us.. (mind you 'excape goat' ran it a close second.. )

I'm glad I could add a little laughter to everyone's day! :) I always got a chuckle out of her spelling as well. lol

Lovedyoumore: I have no idea if she ever said anything about me cheating or not. As far as I could tell she never said anything about me really other than how "lucky" I was.

I think Wh's "seed" was planted by his own guilt. He cheated on his ex-wife as well. He has always accused me of cheating. The first time was actually in our early dating days. He "called me out" and questioned whether I was talking to someone else. He was actually the one "talking to someone else". Throughout the years he would accuse here and there but it died down for the most part. After D-day the accusations increased to daily occurrences. It got so bad that every time we were apart he would assume I was disloyal during that time. He even accused me of thinking about someone else and having a secret phone that I was moving around the house. It was crazy! He still does it somewhat but he's trying to fight it. Just yesterday he called from work and asked if it was just me and the boys at home and if I was really home. SMH

I'm with everyone else on excape goat. . . sheesh. Wrong on so many levels.

I'd print it out, correct everything in red pen, and put it on her desk with a big fat F on the top.

MyFWH's EAP's response to NC was bizarre. It was very long winded, the first half was complaining about her disappointment in choosing me/ending their friendship. 1/4 complaining about her life, and the last, pretending that NC was never mentioned. Asking him how he liked the new playlist she sent him and that if he needed any advice on his book (he's a writer) to let her know.

He said I could post it, if I wanted... But I don't want to even read it again.

She was fully manipulative.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 11:31 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)]

Ya know what... screw it. This is her response to the NC email he sent...

"Hey hey,

Not sure if/what kind of response you were expecting to this email, but I'll say any delay is partly because I've been busy/depressed and partly due to disappointment in your reply.

I really don't know what else to say. It seems like everything is pretty well hashed out in the previous emails. You completely dodged an issue in pithy postscript, but I'll just let you have a pass on that, since it seems irrelevant at this juncture in any case. OverallI think most of my questions have been answered through these email exchanges and that 24 hours we hung out. You really did mean a lot tome back in the day, before you disappeared (another issue you've managed to dodge), and (sadly) since then too. What does it allmatter, though? Old lovers go away, people forget, then years later you see some woman on facebook tacking your exboyfriend's name to the

end of theirs. It's what happens. Who knows, maybe someday I'll finally settle down, it's hard to imagine, though. It's easier to imagine me just getting knocked up and making the best of it and being dragged down into it than some random stranger actually being awesome and liking me and being into it and all. Sigh. This conversation isgetting depressing.

The school year is wrapping up, only one day left - tomorrow. I'm going to miss the kids so much, I wish you had known them, they are so cool and charming and full of life and uncertainty (well, most are). I guess I'll have all new kids next year, but I doubt the school will have the same feel as the one I'm at now. It is really small, since there are only 2 grades, so it is very cozy and family-like. I've been going to meetings for my new cohort that starts in a few weeks. I'll be hitting the books hard this summer it looks like. Who knew getting a Masters was so much work? heh.

Oh yeah, before I forget, a couple of musical suggestions. Empire of the Sun is reminds me a lot of Office and MGMT, so you might like it:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a47Y1lCRHlM&feature=channel My friend asked me to download the album for him, and it's not bad.Also, do you listen to (Local Radio station that hasn't existed for more than 10 years on air)? I always think, that must be the one (only!) good thing about living in (the nearest big city to us), is you can get it over the air. I prefer them to KEXP as far as internet-radio listening goes. So, you digging K'naan? Allen likes his earlier album, 'dusty foot philosopher', but I prefer 'troubadour'.

How is your writing group going? Still attending? Any useful critique? Speaking of, send me some more chapters! Are you mad and not going to send the rest? I'll offer honest opinions on any subject, all you gotta do is ask.

I feel like I'm on auto-pilot. Not just with this email, but just the last few weeks. Everyone is so busy after work hour or not interestedin going out or can't and I just sit here alone and do nothing. I haven't been eating much, my dinner for the last week has been an hard-boiled egg, a slice of cheese and a glass of juice. Not bad, huh? I got sick of boiling an egg each day, so I just boiled the rest of the ones in the carton and figured - hey! Now I can eat for a week. The weekends days are very still and the nights some sort of desperate attempt to squeeze as much life into each hour as possible,

overscheduling to make up for and guard against the upcoming week of boredom. A coffee shop opened down the street, I guess I could take to bringing a book and hanging out there instead of having one-way conversations with my cat.

Ok, that's about all I have to write about at this time. Hope you're having a lovely Friday."

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 12:37 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)]

Huh?? steadfast - I'm speechless. Literally.

I was too. I was like, "what the actual fuck?" FWH asked what he should write back, and i said, "i can't actually formulate any words other than profanity... Maybe we should just block her." She emailed him one more time at his work email. He never read it , just deleted it straight away. We had hang up calls for about 6 months, and she and her friends made a trip to out city to a touristy thing, a year later, drove past our house and took a picture. She posted it to flickr, saying, "this is my new house, i can't wait to move in!" I only found that out this past summer, when I went to look at her flickr page to show my sister what she looked like. It was the only picture she left public. (Now that picture is gone, and all of them are public, including her wedding and honeymoon pictures.)

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 12:36 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)]