Hi Hopeful,
You sound like you're doing pretty great as you say but you still have a hard time moving past.. as you said...
I just want him to realized he's made a horrible mistake, that he loves me and only me, that he'll get all the IC he needs, that he'll go to MC, and that he'll spend the rest of our lives making this up to me.
That's been my dream too. It's probably most everyone's dream who wants to R. I've since realized that as much as I still love him (sometimes, heaven help me), he's really not worth it. He's really not such a great guy, not a great husband, not a moral upstanding guy, not honest, not empathetic, extremely selfish, all about him, all the time.. the list goes on. So while "in my dreams" I STILL wish i could have the relationship i once had with him, i know now that that was a limited relationship, and it was real, but it didn't face some tough issues. And when they issues came, he failed, and failed miserably. Sounds like your WS did too?
So even if a part of me still wishes for the awesome R, a much bigger, smarter, wiser part of me knows now (my dday was earlier than yours) that's actually not what my heart wishes. I want a new and improved him! BUT he will never be anything other than who he is.
Do you want him back, or only if he changes? Can he change, will be change, does he want to change? Does he have that potential, really?
Have you closed the door on him completely or does he think you have? Or does he know that he has to meet certain conditions? It might be just easier to be with OW now than to deal with the whole IC/MC work. Yep much easier. Definitely not eternally blissful, but for now, at least, easier. Emotional coward?
I tried to get some background on your story but links on posts are not always yours so it's hard as I don't know so much about your story.
Is there hope that he'll wake up? Maybe. It does happen, and then in other cases the WS just keeps the OW fantasy going, until it stops being a fantasy and they break up, or in more rare cases, becomes another regular long term relationship, married or not, with it's ups and downs.
No matter what, you are dealing with a very complex fallout of a recent trauma and your feelings of hope for a "happier" ending are shared I think by most. Fake it 'til you make it is one way of seeing it; another is know that it's a process, and that with time your feelings will work themselves out and you likely will not be longing for him as you are now. And if he comes back, that would be another process.
It sounds like you're doing great, but are still aching for him. 4 months out, I would say you are pretty much a super star.