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rachelc (original poster member #30314) posted at 2:41 PM on Monday, December 23rd, 2013
neighbor's 70 year old husband died a couple weeks ago. I got her a sympathy card and hubby and I walked over with a plate of goodies to drop off. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to stay and talk with her. But I did. Hubby gave her a hug goodbye and she moved towards me for a hug but I apparently missed this.
I have maintained the last year that being with someone who is experiencing grief is an honorable thing. Someone who is grieving is close to God, their soul is being opened up and their anguish is something the rest of us should be present for. I was not. Why? Because the conflict avoidance ugly beast inside me raised it's ugly head.
I'm so disappointed in myself. I thought my values were screwed on straight and tight and they're not. If I just would have talked to myself before we went. I think i have it all figured out but I still need work.
Thanks for listening. I know it doesn't have anything to do with infidelity but owning being uncomfortable and doing the tough but right thing does...
[This message edited by rachelc at 8:42 AM, December 23rd (Monday)]
knightsbff ( member #36853) posted at 4:03 PM on Monday, December 23rd, 2013
(((Rachelc)))
You are still working on it.
You're looking at your thoughts, feelings, and actions and examining them. This is really good stuff.
You know what? A couple weeks from now when things have quieted down since the funeral your neighbor is going to be incredibly lonely. People will be back to normal and her life will never be "normal" again.
What's stopping you from popping over to say hi and asking her how she's doing? I bet it would be good for you too. 
fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
rachelc (original poster member #30314) posted at 4:30 PM on Monday, December 23rd, 2013
knights - great idea and I'll do this.
SlowUptake ( member #40484) posted at 9:45 PM on Monday, December 23rd, 2013
I second knightsbff's thoughts and will add.
You come across a lot of people in this world who are great at the initial 'grand gesture' of kindness, but that's about it. 
Then there are a few who are kind & caring over the long haul when nobody is watching.
What type of person do you want to be? 
Just something to ponder. YMMV.
Me:WS,50+
Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009
"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras
There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
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