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Trying2Survive1 (original poster member #40022) posted at 1:16 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
My 86 yo NPD MIL is miserable. I witnessed it today when she was over for the holiday. My H and his sister are just fed up with her because she is, frankly, verbally abusive to them. However, she has always been kind and compassionate to me. She is clearly unhappy. In the new year I feel that I should reach out to her and offer her the gift of my time, but I'm afraid she'll use that against H and SIL (I love her more...ugh...don't want her saying, "I'm closer to her than my daughter,)" etc. Any suggestions are helpful.
Madhatters, M 37yrs, many DDays
Both 60's, he now has stage 4 bladder cancer and in remission.
We're in solid R, there is hope!
Stop right there: I already don’t give a fuck ~ ty Greeneyesbluezy
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 1:31 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
What does your husband think about this?
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
Trying2Survive1 (original poster member #40022) posted at 6:37 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
I haven't discussed it with him and my SIl yet, as I am trying to think of what I could do for her.
Madhatters, M 37yrs, many DDays
Both 60's, he now has stage 4 bladder cancer and in remission.
We're in solid R, there is hope!
Stop right there: I already don’t give a fuck ~ ty Greeneyesbluezy
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 6:39 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
Tred softly here, trying. Your desire to help her is admirable. If she is truly NPD, however, you may be stepping squarely into a minefield as you seem to have identified already.
What kind of help do you think she needs? Is it help you can arrange through a 3rd party rather than directly?
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Trying2Survive1 (original poster member #40022) posted at 6:45 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
Tred softly here,
That's for sure. She really needs therapy or medication I'm sure, but she would never agree to that. Husband and I did discuss her behavior during MC a few weeks ago and he suggested that too.
I think the best course is to talk with H and SIL together and find out if they want me to do anything at all. I can see how this could backfire big time.
Thank you for the advice.
Madhatters, M 37yrs, many DDays
Both 60's, he now has stage 4 bladder cancer and in remission.
We're in solid R, there is hope!
Stop right there: I already don’t give a fuck ~ ty Greeneyesbluezy
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 7:08 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2013
That approach makes a lot of sense to me, honey. 
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Trying2Survive1 (original poster member #40022) posted at 7:49 AM on Friday, December 27th, 2013
I love the clarity here...Thank you!
Madhatters, M 37yrs, many DDays
Both 60's, he now has stage 4 bladder cancer and in remission.
We're in solid R, there is hope!
Stop right there: I already don’t give a fuck ~ ty Greeneyesbluezy
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